Thread by @Ary_Ifeakandu, In my undergrad, I knew a boy, very homophobic when we talked [...]

Arinze Ifeakandu

Ary_Ifeakandu

In my undergrad, I knew a boy, very homophobic when we talked about gays in the hostel but very affectionate towards me, always asked if I wanted to join him for lunch at Franco Ref, cost on him. He was my friend.

One night, a year after we’d known each other, he asked if he could kiss me & I laughed in his face, unbelieving. He had a GF, had been homophobic in our first year, & (so?) I did not see him that way. I told him no, saw him to the corridor where he held my hand & said goodnight.

He texted me, “I have fallen for fine Arinze but he does not like me back.” The next morning he didn’t want to talk about it. He continued to walk me to Flat every other evening, continued to buy me dinner. When I look at it with my adult eyes, I can say there was love there.

When we did talk about it, months had passed. “I don’t look at boys on the street,” he said, “But when I become friends with a fine, quiet guy, I can fall for him.” I’m not quiet, I said to him. He laughed, You like to tell yourself that, he said, But you are. It was afternoon.

We tried it, sex, one evening in my third year, in his room. He said, I’m afraid if I cum, I will hate you. He was hard, I was hard. His roommate knocked, shook the door. He jumped. Went to open it. Hah, this one wey una lock door, his roommate said, eyeing us.

As he walked me downstairs, he kept saying, over and over, “I cannot be gay.” It was like a chorus, an incantation. We stopped hanging out as often, soon not at all. His guilt was heavy as a cloud, his fear alive and breathing.

Yesterday, I stumbled on his Facebook. It was littered with Bible verses. The power of God saves me from sin, one post said. I looked at his recent pictures: still beardless after all these years, eyes still quiet & kind. I felt sad, then angry at the world on his behalf, & mine.

[The engagement on this thread, the empathy: much appreciated. Please let it move you to always speak out against homophobia, at work, in your homes, in your places of worship. & to the queer folk who relate to this, our power in spite of it all, it inspires me. E go better.]

Also appreciate all the compliments on my writing. Here is a short story I wrote in my second year. It is very personal, and a love story between two boys:

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/565c3d39e4b027c789ba5b70/t/591a8542b8a79bb7eb32ffba/1494910276547/24_Ifeakandu_GodsChildren_revised_proof.pdf">https://static1.squarespace.com/static/56...

And another, published last year, if you can afford a subscription

https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz">

https://www.one-story.com/index.php?page=stories&pubcode=os&story_id=256">https://www.one-story.com/index.php...

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