I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation, nor does any human being owe anyone an explanation for life things. However, I’ve been debating on this for a while and I think it’s time to share and open up a bit. Not looking for sympathy please, just understanding.

So here goes...

One of my biggest fears has always been that writers will see me as not working hard enough for them and their careers and then leave me and/or try to ruin my career in some way. I understand. Having an agent who works multiple jobs isn’t for everyone. Some people want an agent

Who only does agenting work and can therefore supposedly commit more time to them and their careers, and I get that. However, when publishing has been at an almost full stop for months, freelance work is at an all time low, and layoffs are coming from left and right, every agent

I know is now scrambling to find work somewhere else to supplement their agent jobs/income. We’re struggling as an industry because we work off commissions. If nothing is selling and readers aren’t buying, we make NOTHING. So our jobs are at stake and it’s...very, very stressful.

Every agent I know has shut down and had multiple breakdowns over the last few months since COVID hit. We’re just starting to get back into a semi-normal state of being, but things are still slow and we’re being ghosted left and right as we head into the fall holidays. Needless

To say, this is really, really difficult for all of us right now, and circling back...it’s been a very stressful year for me for many reasons. Now, I don’t like change, and I don’t deal with change gracefully. I make quick decisions and adapt later and am a picture perfect

Version of a scrappy underdog Philadelphian who avoids their emotions and settles for frustration and bulldozing things instead.

Needless to say...here’s a few things that have happened since the beginning of this year, and a select few of many reasons why my fear of being seen

As not a hard working agent is very alive, and why I’m so far behind (like hopefully many of my colleagues).

1. I made a dream come true and BOUGHT a dance studio. I’m the proud owner of a dance studio now, but I signed the papers in February knowing id have to work hard...

Not knowing COVID would hit the way it did and that I’d be left on my own to navigate the arts in the business world.

2. I lost my day job. My primary income was lost, and they took away my health insurance and are making me pay them back for the benefits I had over the summer.

3. I still have not been paid by unemployment. I think that says enough. =\\

4. The same exact day I was furloughed is that day that I signed a lease on a new apartment to move into with my partner and move out of my parents house. My new apartment is 3 minutes from the job that

Let me go, and I pass it everyday as a reminder of a job that treated me like a number on a chopping block and not a human being.

All this to say, a lot of change has been happening, and more than I can honestly mention in a tweet thread is happening behind the scenes, in my

Life and in everyone else’s. We’re all struggling. I understand how important it is to succeed in life and our careers. To be supported in our writing ventures. To be achieve what we believe to be our versions of success. I feel guilty every single day for not doing more agenting

Than I am. I feel guilty for not staying up even later and losing sleep in order to do more editing or reading or Query Manager sorting. Life is really, really hard right now, and I have it particularly easy compared to most. Have a little faith and understanding with each other.

Allow for mistakes and extra time and graciousness. We’re all fighting hard battles right now in the midst of our world’s climate, including our own personal battles too. So please know...we’re trying. I’m trying. We’re all trying. We’re all just trying to survive and keep our

Heads afloat at this point. The publishing industry has survived hundreds of years, centuries even if you just include story telling, and we will survive many more. Just be patient with your agents when you can be, and understand we’re struggling with you, too. We’re trying our

hardest and are all pretty fearful and terrified that even our hardest will never be enough for all of your expectations of us right now. So please...understand that most agents have second and third jobs. Understand we’re doing our best to keep it all together. Remember that we

Love you all, and you’re still our priority. We just need some time. We’re human.