you know, for a long while, at least all of 2020 and maybe some time before, i've been feeling very disrespected by people who i consider close to me (whether i'm close to them or not is up for debate, i think i'm coming to realize) in a very specific way 1/?

i've felt (and been told by some) that people are keeping things from me or not telling me truthfully how they feel in order to spare my feelings or for fear of triggering me/causing me trauma.

Now i definitely understand where this might be coming from 2/?

I've been an absolute emotional wreck for a long time. My mood shifts almost at will several times a day, with sometimes fuzzy and not clear indicators of why

given this, and the near constant ideation, especially earlier in the year, they just wanted to keep me safe 3/?

but like, while i know they care about me, what they've been doing is absolutely causing me more stress and hurt. i feel infantilized, i feel like my agency and self determination have been taken away from me. i feel lied to and betrayed and just...really hurt 4/?

and i'm not sure right now how to even ask them, really. because i'm so full of rage i just want to scream "if you can't fucking trust me with my own feelings how can i be an important part of your life?" and probably break contact for a while. 5/?

but i can't. because i'd be risking burning bridges and sweeping out my support network (because they are so good otherwise)

i guess that's why this thread exists. to kind of get this out there and maybe the right people see it and ask me about it. i hope so. i love y'all a lot.