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A romantic relationship with a narcissist; a thread. I’m not a professional (psychologist or such), but I’ve gone through this myself and studied further. Malignant narcissists are strikingly similar by behavioral patterns, it’s almost scary. #JohnnyDepp
#justiceforjohnnydepp
#justiceforjohnnydepp
When you meet a narc, you may have some doubts. However s/he will turn your head and do everything under the sun to convince you that s/he is the one for you and you two are so similar.
In fact, it’s not that s/he is similar. S/he is only mirroring you to you. S/he copies everything in you, your likes, dislikes, beliefs, style, your favorite movies, music, clothes, food. You will basically fall in love with a fake image of you.
S/he will adore you and place you on a pedestal. S/he will wrap the two of you in a bubble, a special world where nobody else belongs or understands. You will have nicknames, the two of you. Your friends will change. Only those s/he can accept will remain.
And then, you start to change. Slowly but surely, s/he will begin to dictate your being. S/he will tell you what to wear, what kind of music you like, what you like to eat. It’s what “the two of you” like and make you special.
S/he will slowly take the old you apart and build a new you, however, in such a subtle way you don’t realize it. The new you isn’t who you are. The new you is easy to control and collapse.
As soon as you are hooked (live together / married / have kids / somehow dependent), it all changes. The narc becomes a complete opposite of what was before. S/he is never happy with you. Everything is your fault. You are simply the worst person on the planet.
And, s/he lies. The lies are (in the beginning) so convincing, because why would someone lie without a reason about insignificant matters? But, when the relationship gets older, you’ll catch a lie. When confronted about it, the narc either lies more, or gets furious.
Arguing with a narc is useless. S/he will turn everything against you. And the angles change so fast, it’s hard to keep up. When you catch him/her of false logic, s/he 1) gets furious, 2) accuses you, 3) turns everything around again.
“Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and low self-esteem.
Using denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation, gaslighting involves attempts to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the victim's beliefs” (Wikipedia).
“Projection is a defense mechanism in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious qualities by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.
For example, a bully may project their own feelings of vulnerability onto the target. It incorporates blame shifting and can manifest as shame dumping” (Wikipedia).
You may try to “cure” her/him of these tendencies, but the narc turns it into a play. Sometimes, s/he may pretend to go along with you, to recognize a problem in her/him, and promise to improve. However, this is just a game. S/he thinks to be perfect, so why change?
You will start feeling like a failure. You’ll begin to wonder what went wrong after such a beautiful beginning. If you ponder this with her/him, s/he will tell you it’s you. You will desperately search for the love that was there. But there is no way to please her/him anymore.
You, having lost the real you, will eventually crash. It’s impossible to stay mentally healthy in such a relationship, where your identity has been altered and then destroyed. If or when you realize you need to get out, it only gets worse.
The narc is a master manipulator and s/he can easily win over innocent, unprepared, blind people and turn them against you. You will soon start to hear the same phrases from every mouth that were initially said by her/him.
S/he will keep revenging you for leaving. If s/he can make you furious, s/he is happy, because it’s a way to control your feelings, and you. Everything is about control, and her/him. What a narc hates, is indifference, people not paying attention to her/him.
When you stop reacting, s/he turns to your loved ones. S/he will hurt your family, or whoever you hold dear. S/he has no end to the lengths s/he can go. What you can and should do, is defend yourself with the help of legal professionals. (end of thread)
