tw// light mention of mobbing/ hurtful comments, unhealthy weight loss, unhealthy mindset towards food

how i became overweight–
i've decided to start a weightloss twitter account, as a motivation for myself. i've been overweight/ unhappy with my weight for over a year now, it's hard for me to keep going when i start a diet since i am not very consistent +

it honestly all started in like 4th grade? and i am honest about the fact that to the biggest part this whole story is my own fault and i really mean it. yes there were people that made things harder, but it was me who couldn't control myself +

my parents really always were giving us good food; vegetables, fruit and overall everything you need to be healthy. but as a kid of course i always loved sweets and unhealthy food, but that was limited by my parents. so when i first started receiving +

pocket money, i bought chips. i told my parents i would go to the library but after that i would buy snacks, and i mean like 2 bags of chips (which were around 1$) and when i went home i would eat them on that day and the next day that would happen again +

i would do that several times a week for over 3 years till 7th grade. over the time i also started buying other stuff. i would buy a whole 500g glass of nutella and eat it with a spoon, and i didn't even realise that it was unhealthy +

no one really told me that i was fat/ no one really found out about it or at least no one spoke to me about it, so i kept on doing that. in 7th grade i had my friends and i was honestly doing great (just not my grades) but the popular kids didn't like me +

they were kinda making fun of me because i wasn't that pretty/ i only wore the same shorts every day because that were my favorite ones at that time. and person a came to me one day, just to ask me if i was pregnant +

and i said yes because i didn't want to be a loser, one of my friends even told me that they like how i handled that, but that night i kinda cried myself to sleep? +

i can't really explain why, maybe because to that day no one ever talked to me about weight/being fat and i didn't really understand it, i just knew that that wasn't supposed to be nice, but that it was supposed to hurt me +

i think it was after that day, when i started to eat less, i never bought snacks by myself again for around 1 year. and i lost around 35lbs in a very short amount of time, since i only ate like one meal a day +

please don't do this, it really fired back, as you will read soon. as i was only around 13-14 years old i didn't really know about losing weight/ how to do it properly and it just did what i thought was right, which means i did like one workout a week +

because i hated sports and ate very little. so yes i did loose the weight, and of course if you're fat and you're losing weight you're a success story, whether it was healthy or not, what matters is that you're thin now because that's what they see +

so the negative effects? well i didn't realise that i was thin now, i never really saw that i actually lost a lot of weight and i was still extremely insecure. i only wore long pants, since 7th grade i have never worn shorts again +

well and i never stopped my diet, because i was afraid i would gain the weight back as soon as i start to eat normally. as i've mentioned before, my grades were a mess, and i didn't care so i had to change schools. i still remember how i wore black pants +

on my first day because i wanted to appear thinner? because i thought i was fat? with like 119lbs?? yeah that's how unhealthy my mindset was. so i still hated my body and started to not eat for 16 hours of the day (intermitted fasting) +

i did loose weight, slowly but steadily. i think my lowest weight was around 110lbs? it's wierd say that i was this slim like two years ago. well anyways, you can't live with a diet like that for very long, i'm surprised that i could do it for like 1 year +

i had problems finding friends because my new classmates kind of hated me? i don't know tbh they were talking shit about me, because i started writing good grades since that school was easier than the one before. i also was never really good at +

talking so it was hard to interact with my classmates, to the point where teachers asked me if i was okay because i was studying through the short breaks and sitting on the toilet while being on my phone during lunch so that i wouldn't be able to eat +

out of frustration i soon started to eat shit again, and i didn't care about my weight anymore. of course i got to feel the yoyo-effect and now i'm almost as heavy as i was in 7th grade. +

i have started a diet around 3 weeks ago and i haven't weighted myself for a few months, but i will on wednesday. i'm actually scared to do that but it's kind of necessary for this account+

looking back, i'm actually mad at so many people. i'm mad at my father for telling me he's glad i lost weight because he was afraid i would be a fat girl. i'm mad at that one girl for asking me if i'm pregnant +

i'm mad at my classmates for talking shit about me and making me feel like an outcast for the first few months and after that using me as a way to write good grades since now i'm really good at school +

but most importantly i am mad at myself for being dumb and not loving myself enough to do the right things. to this day i'm unhappy with my body, to the extent of feeling like a stranger to myself. i can't understand how i've come this far +

in my self hatred. i found bts around 2-3 years ago and they really helped me when i was down. and to this day i'm thankful. i want to end this thread with a positive note, that there is always a way of comfort, in something else than food♡ love yourself