I have a thing to say that's going to trigger folks. This is your only warning. There be dragons ahead.

I'm a small white woman who has been raped twice, assaulted with deadly intent once, stalked with a terminal purpose that resulted in my becoming HIV positive, has been kicked out of taxis, abused online and in person, had nasty things painted on my garage, lost friends ...

... and professional opportunities, can't use my real name online. I left home the first time when I was 13. I lived rough for nearly two years. Left again at 16. Worked crazy jobs, several at once sometimes, so I could eat. (My family is not poor.)

I paid my way through university by writing "erotica". Yep. I know. My husband rolled his eyes about that a lot. My kids think it's a hoot.

A bunch of crazy stories that defy belief and 3 decades later, I'm back living on my family's generational farm.

This farm and the land are worth quite a bit of money, so I guess I'm "rich" as the current "owner".

While I don't even begin to equate this life experience with the generational and systemic under privilege that PoC have had to endure, it's a real story that I lived.

I get that as a white person with assets and opportunities I'm part of the "priveleged elite" colonial flotsam demographic and, as such, experienced privilege even through all that life experience.

But being *personally* discounted under the big banner of "privilege" ...

... as if I couldn't possibly understand the pain of being held down by forces unsympathetic to me because of some quality about myself that I can't control is hard to try and work around.

I didn't invent the fucking system and while it "favours" folks like me in general ...

... it doesn't universally do so and some white folks lived hard lives and experienced both prejudice and oppression.

I'm not suggesting we stop talking and addressing these systemic privileges, but I am suggesting we temper it with a little common sense.

Because I'm finding this environment where my opinions are considered worthless and my successes considered fake *just because* I'm a white person who *may have* benefitted from our white person world not terribly conducive to progress.

Before anyone comments with the "this is the most privileged thing I've ever read" please do try to keep in mind that we're all human beings and I'm trying to navigate this new world as much as you are.

I think I'm just tired of feeling like the avatar for "the enemy" ...

... because believe it or not, systemic inequality is my enemy too. I hate the way our society has evolved. I want it to change.

But I'm not the person who created it and I try not to be the person who perpetuates it.

Yes, I have privilege. But I'm not a horrible monster.