My dad and I aren't on speaking terms, haven't been since Nov. 2016 (had nothing to do with the orange asshole, my dad is just gross), and he called me last night. I didn't answer, deleted the voicemail unheard. If I'd had more time to think about it I might have picked up.

We were on and off for a long time before that, but the kicker four years ago was me telling him I'd been sexually assaulted and him having a big belly laugh about it and I decided No More Chances for him.

Prior to that he demanded that I explain trans* to him. Not asked, demanded. I told him to ask a trans person, but no. So I told him the best of my understanding and he laughed about it. Not ha-ha funny, but the smug chuckle.

(he's LDS, if that matters)

He and my mom divorced over 40 years ago, and he's still not past it. I feel like it's less about love and more about him still being pissed that she got away. He tried to choke her while she was pregnant with me and she fled with me when I was 5 weeks old.

She's never changed her story. He says it didn't happen and if it did, it was because of his unmedicated bipolar. And then he tells me his psychiatrist at the VA is beautiful "for a black." And he insists I'm also bipolar because he "can tell."

Maybe I am, but I never tried to strangle anyone over some boo-boo feelings because I realize that Me Problems are not actually You/Them Problems. And my Me Problem is that I just don't want to talk to him anymore. So I don't.

This thread is a whole mess, but I needed to barf up some feelings. Sorry.