i swear i was going to bed but brainrot haunting happened so here i am

at some point, after a fuck, goro just leaves akira in his apartment in a rush bc haha ~he forgot about a morning meeting~ and also ~forgot one of the stacks he never put into his briefcase~

akira, being the dutiful fuck buddy alpha, brings them to goro's office

but also

:^)

full nelson fuck on goro's office chair and he makes goro walk around and work with his cum dripping out of goro's holes the entire day before they continue where they left off once his shift ends

im thinking,,,,,,,,, that's past the point where it's *j u s t* fucking but not quite into *love-making* yet

a lil leftover iffyness from goro
a lil bit of looming regret still in the backburner of akira's head

but they still fuck and goro's office smells like coffee/dahlias

also,,,,,,, at one point after the office fuck, akira goes for a shower so he doesn't come back to his apartment smelling like goro, even if it's just the slightest bit

but in a moment of dazedness and half-awakedness, goro grabs onto his wrist
shakes his head

"nooo," he whines

"dont want you to wash my scent off yet,,,"

and akira's more than a bit confused
still goes for the shower

but not before goro literally latches onto his back like a koala and they both end up getting clean before akira gets home

akira also tucks goro in while goro is still vaguely conscious and he actually *purrs* once feeling akira's hand stroking his hair back, planting a farewell kiss to his forehead

probably after that is when akira comes over one day and finds that goro is on sick leave for a few days

mainly bc he's on his period and his cramps are a bitch and a half that literally renders him useless

akira knows about that well-- hell, they dated for months on end

so just as goro barks out an explanation for why he can't fuck today or anytime this week, akira dips
and goro thinks he's seen the last of the man once he closes the door
but after two mins of laying back down on the couch in front of the tv, the door opens

didn't he lock it ????

"i can't believe you still hide your spare under the mat," akira snickers, and once goro turned his head to look back and *glare* at him, he sees the paper bags in akira's hands-- said spare key caught between akira's fingers, "you should hide it better."

sure, that was more than slightly annoying in his state but--

"what's that?" he asks instead, wide eyes caught on the paper bags. to that, akira shrugs nonchalantly, places one of them on the kitchen table.

"you probably ran out of tampons and that's why you're being a pissy bitch right now-- am i right?"

okay, fuck him for knowing goro so well.

"hope you still use your old brand, because i got two packs of it-- and ice cream. because you always whined about wanting ice cream on your period."

as if to prove it, akira pulled out four one-pint tubs from within one bag, was quick to store three of them into goro's freezer.

and the sight is,,, jarring.
it's almost like deja vu, watching akira tuck those away exactly where goro could reach the best in his state-- like akira's done it a million times and more before.

like they lived together.

oof

the fact that akira knew exactly where the spoons were and took out two of them--all before making a bee-line for goro after taking out another tub from the other bag, cookies and cream and coffee crumble tucked under his arm--just hammered it home harder, too.

akira made to remove the lid first before he'd handed the ice cream and spoon over to goro, like he knew exactly how to take care of him-- which, really, wasn't too far off from the truth. old habits died hard, after all, and goro was a man that fought against change.

which is why it was so, incredibly *weird* to watch akira settle onto the opposite end of the couch, happily digging away into his coffee crumble as his eyes focused on naught but the movie goro set as background noise amidst his suffering.

it was weird to see akira fully-clothed, zipper up and pants done and everything.

weird that goro wasn't being shoved down his hard cock at that moment.

weird that akira didn't even seem remotely interested in coercing goro into *some* form of sex when he was *right there*.

it was weird for akira to be here, simply because he wanted to be here-- and the fact that he'd even gone out of his way to run to the nearby convenience store to buy him tampons and comfort food was just the last nail in the coffin.

for a moment, goro considered asking him the big question: a myriad of *why's* that he wasn't sure if he wanted the answers to.

so instead of reaching out-- and instead of opening his dumb mouth-- he turned to face back to the screen,

dug his spoon into the smooth surface of the ice cream, and begin to dig in.

the afternoon passed into dusk sooner than he would've liked-- and by that point, their tubs were scraped clean and they were on their fourth movie in a row.

and still, akira was at the end of the couch, albeit having changed positions multiple times in need of comfort.

he didn't speak unless goro spoke up first.

and he didn't breach goro's personal space, content to stay on his side and enjoy the movie (and the company ???)

so goro, frankly, was at a crossroads.

it was only when they were halfway through the film did he even begin to get the courage to do-- well, whatever the hell was closest to a "thank you" that they could have right now.
slowly, with his eyes trained on akira, he began to crawl on his hands and knees over to the alpha

and akira noticed--hell, goro was nearing him just at the corner of his peripheral--but it wasn't until goro was actively pressing akira to lay down did he speak up.

"something the matter?" he asked at first, brows raised and eyes widened by the slightest bit as he looked upon goro, "need anything?"

but goro, silently, did naught but shook his head, nimble hands darting straight to undoing akira's belt.

"hey-- hey--!"

dejected, maybe, was what was written across goro's features as akira pushed him back by the shoulders, his stare coming to meet akira's as soon as his advancements were rejected.

"what--" akira blurted, brows knitted together now, "what are you--?"

but goro only huffed out annoyedly, bottom lip jutting out into a little pout.

as if akira was going to start playing dumb now.

"this is what you wanted, right?" he began, glare meeting with the obsidians of akira's eyes, "bring me tampons and ice cream and i could at least suck you off?"

"what--"

and by that point, the confusion (and realisation) dawning upon akira's face seemed,, genuine.

"what the fuck, no?"

and then, his lips tugged down into a frown-- deep and, if goro looked just a tiny bit closer, *hurt*.

"i didn't--" he shook his head, eyes steady on goro's, "i didn't bring you the stuff that you need to get through your monthly *hell of a week* just because i wanted a quick fuck, goro."

the use of his first name, said in such a firm tone,,

goro's going to pretend it didn't tug at his heartstrings-- because there was no fucking way.

when goro remained silent, though--merely staring into akira's eyes as if he could find every answer in the universe through them--akira continued,

"look-- you *know* i know how shitty your period is for you-- and not because i can't stick my dick into you--

the hands around goro's biceps tightened their grip, just the tiniest sliver firmer.

"because i've seen just *what* you go through when you have to live through it."

and again, just as akira huffed out a sigh through his nostrils.

"i wanted to help you-- not because you're an easy hole to just *fuck*-- because you're goro *fucking* akechi, and you don't deserve to feel like you're rotting from the inside out with no one to offer *some* sort of help."

oh, so he was just some *charity case* then? was that--

"and i know what you're thinking."

akira matched his glare, frown turning, somehow, deeper.

"i'm not doing this because i *pity* you, or anything. i think it should be obvious by now that i *give a fuck* about you-- in the way that means i *care* about goro akechi, not the Beta that i can't get pregnant."

goro, to be precise, is rendered speechless by akira's declaration.
it was one thing to be cared for because you had something to offer, something that was *easy*-- but it was another thing entirely to be cared for, for no other reason, than because you were *you*.

and goro akechi hasn't really gotten this much care from someone other than his best friend for,, *years* now.

it didn't help that akira's eyes seemed to shine with a sincerity and resolve that goro could never deny was anything but true and genuine--

and it certainly didn't help that the way akira spoke had been so steadfast and filled with a depthless determination-- and how goro knew, exactly, that that determination was for his words to get through goro's thick skull already.

because it was how akira spoke to him before, when he still believed all the bad things everything that happened to him at shujin ingrained into his very heart.

that he was nothing but a hole to fuck.

a cumdump for every alpha and beta willing.

that he didn't deserve kindness, nor love, nor respect.

and *especially* not *care*.

and perhaps he wasn't surprised--and he could (and maybe *would* lie, say that it was his turbulent emotions at such a time--but when he felt the tears streak down his cheeks, he all but watched as akira thumbed them away, an almost-shy smile gracing his features.

"i'm sorry if that was too forward," he began, a mumble that crossed only the distance between them,

"but i had to let you know-- and if we're going to be selfish and use each other for everything we've been using each other for these past few weeks.. then what's stopping us from going all the way and taking everything we want from each other?"

it was almost scary how goro knew what he meant, as soon as akira finished speaking, even.

he was asking goro to let go of *his* control, this time.

to let loose and not care-- to not think about what every little thing meant anymore.

because akira was right-- they were both selfish, the cores of their souls tainted green with greed and red with desire.

so what *was* stopping them?

"lose the leash, goro.." akira whispered, his hands cupping goro's cheeks, not letting the beta look anywhere else but *him*, "be even more selfish. tell me what you want right now."

and perhaps it surprised even him, when goro all but replied,

"hold me."

there was no hesitancy in his voice--absolutely *nothing* that held his words back--and maybe it should've alarmed him that he could do that so *freely*, with the man named akira kurusu.

who stole his heart and used his body.

who cheated on him and cared for him in equal measure.

who stepped right back into his life and offered goro a relief-- one that goro didn't expect spanned more than just the realm of *physical*.

they'd spent the rest of the hours on the couch-- goro slotted into the space between akira's legs and trapped there by akira's arms. dinner was ordered for delivery, and by the time it was at goro's door, akira practically had to rip himself away just to get their food.

and by the time they'd finished their meals?

by then, goro held onto him--his eyes half-lidded and his brain clouded with the haze of oncoming sleep--as he brought the other man over to his bedroom, settled him into his bed.

and even then, he let goro take and take and *take*, because when goro refused to let him go, and once again repeated his demand (a soft hush of "hold me" rasped into akira's ears) akira did *nothing* but give all of himself.

he'd let goro be selfish with as much greed that coloured his heart, like the green that tinged akira's.

because they were selfish adults, with selfish desires-- and if anyone had desire that could swallow the entirety of tokyo, it was akira kurusu.

akira kurusu, and the love that still beat within his chest, for a man named goro akechi.