Deciding on the fate of a loved one is a terrible experience. What may seem black and white to you, is often not so easy to conclude for others.

I had a patient that coded (heart stopped beating). Elderly, frail patient. Multiple medical comorbidities. We worked pretty hard, and eventually got a pulse back. Was already on two pressors (medications that keep your blood pressure up)

by this time.Minimally responsive, overall in really bad shape. As a physician,I knew that patient’s prognosis is quite poor,even if we never lose a pulse again.I explained all that to the daughter,and suggested that if his heart stops again,we let him go,instead of resuscitation

She said no. She wants every thing done. As expected, a few hours later, the patient lost pulse again, and we began resuscitation. 15 minutes, multiple epinephrine, and shocks later, no response.

I ask her again, she says no, continue every thing, and then I realized, she understood the patient wasn’t doing well, but couldn’t be the one to say, “stop, let them die”..

So I told her, “this is very tough for you, and I hate to be the one telling you this, but we aren’t going to be successful here. I’m going to help you make the decision and say we will stop now and let them pass away”

And as if the biggest mountain was lifted off her, and she said, “ok!”

The patient passed away.

Sometimes, you have to take the burden away from others, and help them arrive at a conclusion they know is right, but don’t have the heart to reach so themselves.