The art of reading people.

A guide to understanding nonverbals and using them to your leverage.

THREAD.

"If language was given to men to conceal their thoughts, guesture's purpose was to disclose them"

-John Napier

This thread is based on what I have experienced guided by the excellent works of Joe Navarro.

Use it to your leverage.

PRINCIPLES

A/Observe

Divulging the truth is often impossible if you can't observe changes and the details in them.

The first step to becoming a competent nonverbal communicator then, is to observe. Not in obvious fashion, but subtly and attentively.

Listen with your eyes.

B/Look for change.

Change is a reaction to a stimulus.

For a close one, always remember their normal baseline behavior( how they act in normal situations.)

For a stranger, remember the initial behavior upon first impression. (how they presented their presence initially.)

Indicators of discomfort and often deception are a reaction to a stimulus. Meaning,

How that person changed to what you said, inquired, questioned or even accused.

C/Adapt and soothe

Reactions to a stimulus are often unconscious and automatic, stemming from our limbic system.

In other words we have little control over them

Adapters are a soothing behavior in reaction to a stimulus one perceives is discomforting or maybe even threatening.

They may be

- a stroke of the neck/face/nose or body
- hair twirling
- hand wringing
- adjusting/ bouncing / rocking
- changes in breathing rate
- changes in blinking rate
- fidgeting etc

They indicate unease of what has been said, if not deception.

D/The lower the better

The face can easily lie ,but few lie with their feet.

Observe what the legs and feet are doing.

The face may be calm but the feet may be jittery.

The face may look sad but the feet may be bouncing.

Observe what is happening in the lower limbs more.

E/ Asynchrony

If what is being said and how it is being said do not align, side with what is being shown.

If you get mixed signals, side with the negative.

Mixed signals mostly mean a hard to control negative reaction is being covered up with a false but positive reaction.

F/Deception

Detecting deception is very hard and we are bad at it.

What can be detected is stress and unease.

Stress is not deception, but an indicator of discomfort or irritation.

Stress might indicate deception but, detecting lies is up to you.

G/ Reenacting

If you don't know what the certain gesture indicated, try doing it yourself and see how you feel.

H/ Act accordingly

The way you act will affect the way others act.

Acting intrusive or suspicious will foster inaccurate conclusions.

Act normally.

Observe subtly and attentively.

METHODS

1/Expressions

The face can be trained to lie, but that doesn't discount honest and genuine expressions.

Expressions are easy to decipher but keenly observe the eye, forehead, nose and lips.

Fleeting microgestures that disclose the truth happen here.

2/ Up and down

If behavior is against gravity (jumping, happy feet, raising parts of the body, walking elevated, thumbs up etc) it signals excitement.

If a behavior is down with gravity (low head, shrugged shoulders, low arms, thumbs down etc) Consider negatively.

Easy.

3/Plane

A plane is the direction your whole body is facing

During an unexpected conversation if a person is not facing you entirely, that is, if their feet point elswhere, that's where they want to be, maybe hurriedly.

Observe the levels of interest through planes.

4/ My space

Normally everyone has a comfortable space requirement, but

Hoarding space is mostly a sign of high status or aggression, while the opposite is mostly a sign of lower status or timidity.

Space can be hoarded with the legs arms and even belongings.

5/Mirror

Mirroring is the act of replicating what the other person is doing.

Legs crossed, Legs crossed
Leaning on wall, Leaning on wall
Arms crossed, Arms crossed etc

Mirroring is mostly a sign of comfort or familiarity. Done between close friends, family etc.

6/ Block

Blocking is the negative act of covering part of the body with an object or with the arms

As a sort of protection from the discomforting words the other one has said

-covering eyes/ face
-covering the torso
- placing an object before the body.

Are signs of discomfort

7/ Hide

If one hides the arms, feet, lips (pressing lips), belongings [after something has been said], consider it a sign of unease.

-Placing arms under table
-Drifting feet behind chair
-Withdrawing belongings from table

These indicate unease.

8/ Lean

Distancing ( fairly obvious ) is pulling away from the other speaker after a stressing comment.

-Leaning back the upper body
-Pulling neck and head away
-Stepping back.

Mostly Signs of discomfort.

9/ Rates

If there is a change in breathing and blinking rate, something concerning has been said.

Observe the other persons normal rate of breathing and blinking. Pay attention to a visible change in rate.

Sped up rate is similar to slowed down.

Both changes.

10/ Fake and true smile.

A true smile involves the eyes, otherwise it was something else.

Look for involvement of the eyes in the form of crows feet and the narrowing of the eyes.

11/ Microgestures

These are reflexive and short lived reactions that are accurate in showing intention and feeling.

Consider them a slip of mouth but on the body or face.

- grinding teeth
- crinkling nose
- sliding hands along legs etc

Accurate indicators of true intentions.

There are many more indicators but these should be enough for the basics.

Nonverbals comprise over 60% of all communication, and nonverbals rarely lie.

If you are looking for the truth, observe what is being shown instead of what is being said.

END OF THREAD.