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When I told my mother my marriage was in trouble, here's what she told me:
"You've always been difficult to love. You push people away."
"You've always been difficult to love. You push people away."
That shook me. I spent far too much time worrying that she was right. After all, why would a parent say something like that if it wasn't true?
But after talking to friends and soul searching, I realized something very important.
I'm not difficult to love.
My mother has difficulty loving me.
I'm not difficult to love.
My mother has difficulty loving me.
It's a small but VERY IMPORTANT distinction.
Shedding all false modesty, I'm here to tell you that I am easy to love.
In fact, I'M A GODDAMN DELIGHT.
In fact, I'M A GODDAMN DELIGHT.
If someone doesn't love me, that's not a reflection on my character. That's simply a thing that happens.
That's easy to say about the general public, but that leaves me staring at my mother.
There's something about growing up without unconditional love. It can break you.
And for a long while, that's how I felt. Broken. Unlovable. Unworthy of love.
I can never tell my chosen family enough times how grateful I am for them. They taught me that I'm valuable and worthy just because I'm ME.
I'd start tagging people, but I know I'd leave a ton out. Just know that if you think I might be talking about you here, I am.
My childhood has shaped me as a parent. Today I told my son I don't care if he fails a class, because that doesn't change who he is or how much I love him.
I've learned to apologize to my kids. To teach them we don't have to be perfect to be valuable. We don't have to be good all the time.
If there's one thing I can impart upon those of you reading this, it's that you are worthy and deserving of love. You are valuable. And if you're having a hard time believing any of that, please hit up my DMs. Let's talk.
