i think always talking negatively about the writing process can be as hindering as any negative self-talk but also i understand why people might having a hard time creating right now and...in general honestly. it’s frustrating

there have been times where i have had so much to say and it comes easily, and there are times like now, when writing is like pulling teeth and it feels like work. i don’t appreciate the final product any less, but getting there is a whole lot harder for me rn.

it’s difficult for me to get started, staying on track is a miracle, and i’m not frolicking through the proverbial field having the time of my life for the majority of the time i’m staring at a word doc (only when i really get in the zone).

i think it’s even more difficult for folks w/ adhd bc what you want to do is at odds with what your brain will allow you to focus on. doomscrolling here on twit is certainly not more “fun” to me than writing or even watching a movie or playing a game, but alas

writing requires so much brainpower that it often is *not* fun for me to sit down and fight with myself about doing it. i still want to push through that and create something bc i love what i am able to do with words—just not *always* the process of writing them.

that’s just my current reality. i don’t love writing any less and i don’t want to *not* be doing it. that would make me feel pretty lost. i’ve done it since i was little and it’s something i’ll always want to do. but no i am not always having a good time doing it

and that’s okay, i think, bc i know myself and my limits and the difference between when i really need a break and when i need to suck it up and grit my teeth through the parts of it that feel unpleasant and difficult bc all my brain wants to produce is TV static

this thread is all over the place but basically: a lot of mental illnesses make creating as much as we want to difficult and we’re in the middle of a pandemic and i think a few posts about how much it sucks to write sometimes are Allowed

that said, it helps to remind yourself of all the reasons you love it. reading especially has kept me going, bc all i can think when i finish reading a book that moved me is “i want to do that.”

so, balance, i guess