OK, buckle up because you're in for a wild ride. https://twitter.com/SaimaFerdows/status/1312808991391703040

So to set the scene, this was a 2nd date, he'd invited me over for drinks at his. We all know what that means..drinks..at his...you've made out at the date before....ah yes, of course, he's going to make u watch standup on NextUp. (I love u NextUp but this is not what I expected)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I get there he has ~ZERO~ drinks at his. I don't even drink but come on have SOMETHING a can of coke ANYTHING. I had a pint of water.

I should stress that none of you knows him, he does not work in comedy or TV at all. Could not work further away from these fields. He has however recently done a scriptwriting course, so obviously, he's an expert at both.

So we sit down to our pints of WATER and he insists on helping me fix diversity in TV by naming all the non-white people he can think of. To help him he GETS OUT HIS LAPTOP AND READS OUT EVERY TASKMASTER LINE UP THERE HAS EVER BEEN. (famously only has one non-white per series)

Obviously, I told him this and listed them all off the top of my head because as someone who suggests bookings for tv shows for a living this was in my wheelhouse but he couldn't take my word for it and our came google and wikipedia.

He then insisted on having a conversation about political correctness in comedy. He's very liberal and votes labour but this was still the most painful conversation I've had with someone when all I wanted to do was get off with them.

I cannot believe so much more happens before we even get to watching the stand up.

He then told me he couldn't watch a northern female's Ed show cos he couldn't relate. Apparently lasted 10mins. Cut him off to tell him that 1) she's actually fucking amazing 2) first 10mins of any show is intros & crowd work u didn't try hard enough 3) she's a dear friend stfu.

He is of course absolutely mortified, tries to backtrack and make a joke of it. It's PAINFUL.

Remember that sitcom course he took? He spent what felt like days flexxing about how he knows what makes a good sitcom & UNPROMPTED YET AGAIN he tells me IN DETAIL why a certain new sitcom is not good. Makes a joke about 'I'm probably going to offend another of ur mates aren't I'

I politely smile, I do have a friend in it actually. He asks I tell him, what would a normal person do w/ this bit of info? OH YES STFU. What did he do? WENT INTO DETAIL ABOUT HOW MY FRIEND IS NOT GOOD IN IT. Yes, dear reader, I told him to stfu and let's move on. Did he? NOOOO

At this point, I've made the executive decision that nothing is going to happen and I just have to get through the evening.

SO HE CARRIES ON. jfc. Also starts telling me about cameos in the show. 1st person he mentions he loves them. 2nd person he doesn't know their name but hates their cameo. After some prodding, i realise the 'cameo' is just a young xtra. He doesn't want to understand the difference

OMG IT WAS, I WAS SO MAD AT HIM LAUREN, I WILL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK, I LOVE U https://twitter.com/laurenpattison/status/1312874257945370625?s=20