Autistic people can sometimes have difficulty recognizing signals from their body

If undiagnosed during teenage years these problems with exec functioning can permanently damage self-image and development of ego
#ActuallyAutistic #myPTSDday
a thread/

For me this was source of intense psychological pain and feelings of not belonging

My secret:
I pooped my pants regularly into my teenage years because I ignored my body's signals

Before my diagnosis the only explanations were damning to me as a person

The ways in which I viewed myself during this time were informed by societal perceptions

That I was gross, that I was disgusting, that I should feel shame for it

Every time I did it was a sign I would never be a "Normal" adult, that I was to be undesirable to others

In my teenage years I also smashed my front teeth up in a biking accident

This made me feel conventionally unattractive to match the internal feelings of disgust I was feeling, this pushed me to accept an isolated lifestyle and repress romantic and sexual desires indefinitely

As a result I have lived my entire life isolated from a whole section of the human experience

Sometimes the words we say stick to others in a way that isn't easy to detach, this is the effect of dragging public figures with ableist jokes about people who use diapers

Actively challenging these mental habits of putting myself down and making excuses for people who have abused me is extremely difficult work

I didn't deserve to be laughed at by peers who smelled it and called me out, I didn't deserve to be publicly humiliated in front of peers

Demonization of autistic advocates speaking about problems faced specifically by those of us with lower support needs has significantly reduced discussion of problems from missing diagnosis

I recognize this doesn't speak to the experience of #AllAutistics, that's not my intent

Tired of people erasing late diagnosis from the discussion

All Autistic people deserve some representation through discourse, not just the ones below your functioning cutoff line for advocacy

If you erase low supports needs autistics from your advocacy you are a bigot

Upon reflection I have realized that there are subtle ways to force #eugenics into practice based on messaging around disability

If disabled people disqualify themselves from reproduction based on societal perceptions then you don't need a genocide to remove them from gene pool

All messaging around disability feeds into the perception that disabled people are not valid romantic partners

If you mock someone for needing diapers and infantilize them they can internalize it in a way that works towards the goals of eugenicists without your intent

I wanted to make a joke about this being a terrible way to advertise myself as a romantic partner but that's wrong!

Perspective shift: I won't, as a romantic partner, shame you for your bodily functions because I understand how much that can hurt

Affirming this with a RT/likes means a lot, this was a struggle to re-frame against internalized ableism

That challenges the assumption that I am just doing mental gymnastics that aren't realistic

Thank you kind people, it means a lot

Currently working to be open to probing into the forbidden realms of romance and sexuality but I can't do it alone(literally)

I am seeking open conversations about sexuality in private, I have a load of unexamined and unchallenged assumptions to work through before real dating