I'm a nurse in a memory care facility. Just a lone voice in the wilderness adding to a choir of outrage over this footage. But I want to tell you about Betty*

Obviously not her real name https://twitter.com/nycsouthpaw/status/1312064332306542592

Betty is 86 years old & has Alzheimer's. Before she fell victim to this terrible disease she was married to her husband Bill*

Together they a started a farm, & a family in the Heartland

Bill & Betty raised 7 kids & a menagerie of animals, harvested wheat & corn, lived modestly

2 years ago, Betty developed the symptoms of Alzheimer's

After many agonizing conversations with her doctor, a decision was made to place Betty in an assistive living facility.

While this was a difficult transition for both Betty & Bill, it was the right choice & at first...

..it was working beautifully.

Betty had skilled nursing care available to her 24/7. And her husband Bill came to visit her every day.

He would come, rain or shine, at 8am on the dot.

Right after he fed the cows & tended to his farm duties.

Bill came at breakfast & sat with Betty, fixing up her coffee just the way she liked it- 3 creams, 2 sugars, and a dash of hot chocolate.

After breakfast he took her to her room where he helped bathe & dress her.

He always wanted to make sure her outfits were put together

Things like this mattered to Betty. They mattered when she was 18, & they mattered when she was 87. They mattered when her mind was sharp & when it dulled.

But what mattered to her the most-what MATTERS to her still- is Bill.

Holy moly does this woman love her Bill

Bill is Betty's life. Bill is her rock & her protector.

Bill is the only one she allows to wash her hair

Bill is the one she cries out for at night, & then I write it in her chart again- "patient calling out for 'Bill', at times inconsolable. Pt told Bill will be here tomorrow"

But Bill will not be here tomorrow.

Bill has not been here for 7 months & counting.

Bill wakes at the crack of dawn each day, tends to his animals & crops, then makes his daily phone call to the nursing home to see if he can see Betty today.

And the answer is always "no".

Bill can't see Betty because Betty lives in a "hot spot"

Bill cannot see Betty bc they live in Trump country, where no one wears masks & reality is denied.

Bill & Betty haven'tt touched each other in over 7 months, & now Betty is dying.

Not from COVID. From a broken heart.

Empathy is a finite quality.

Caregiver burnout is real.

Every day I go into work & lie to a sweet old woman, telling her that her husband will "be here soon!"

He won't be here soon.

He will never fucking be here.

The cavalry is not coming for these forgotten Americans.

I want you for just one second to feel the clinch of anguish & despair in my stomach every time I have to tell this poor woman "he will be here soon!"

Knowing it's a lie.

Knowing she will likely die alone.

Knowing she will NEVER hug Bill again.

There are times in my career I wonder if I should just start recording

Would anyone care?

Would it matter to you if you heard a sweet old woman screaming for a hug & reassurance from her ONLY protector? Please don't forget the kinds of horrific secrets these women often bury

I will wash Betty's hair tonight.

I will do so lovingly & gently, bit I will be no substitute.

Betty only met me a few months ago.

For all intents & purposes she will die alone.

I will love on her.

I will tell her she did an amazing job.

I will tell her God doesn't want her to die alone. And he will make sure that doesn't happen.
Before she goes I will embrace her as I do all my residents.

But she will die without Bill. And without that last embrace.