Holy shit yes.

The constant feedback I got from my parents, teachers etc. was that when I didn't bring home an A+, it was because I was lazy. Because "I could do better". And I believed them. Because I knew that if the circumstances where right, I COULD. https://twitter.com/blkgirllostkeys/status/1170069211600838656

And so in my head, I just became convinced that I am an incredibly lazy person. I just accepted that at an early age and felt ashamed of it ever since. I was just not hard working enough. Just too lazy. Too comfortable.

I was wasting my potential.

I would spend 5h sitting at my desk in the afternoon, because that's how long it took to get the 20 min of menial, boring homework done that posed absolutely no intellectual challenge to me and didn't teach me anything I didn't already know.

I would not "study" in the "learning by heart" sense, bring home an A- and be asked why I didn't care. Why I didn't do better. Why I didn't "apply myself". Cause we all knew, that technically, I was capable of an A+. So I felt guilty and frustrated with myself. I felt ashamed.

To this day I often tell myself I am being lazy. Just not motivated enough. Too distracted. Like I am "wasting my potential".

The most striking part was always languages. I speak 4 languages fluently, 3 of those on basically native speaker levels. English is my 3rd language.

But I am not capable of learning a language from books in school. I need to be immersed in it.

After 4 years of French in high school, I was barely capable of introducing myself, bringing home mostly Cs. After 10 months in Paris, I was one of the better students in one of the most competitive high schools in Paris.