I think I've rehearsed this schtick on a podcast or two recently but here's another Sunday sermon. Religious content ahead, probably, I don't write these ahead of time I just do 'em in the browser: https://twitter.com/MollyJongFast/status/1312756612285771776

I don't remember the first time I heard this well known joke that priests & ministers have been known to tell from the pulpit. It might have been from Monsignor Barry at OLA, or it might have been from the minister at the Methodist church my dad attended for a while in the 70s

Everybody knows it, I think. There's a flood coming. Town's being evacuated. One guy refuses to leave. The mayor stops by to personally ask him to evacuate or he'll die, but our dude says: "I put my faith in God, Whose mighty Hand will save me. I'll stay here."

Flood starts rolling through town, nobody left but the fire department; the chief comes by in a rescue boat, says through a megaphone "Come out of there! You'll drown!" but our dude says no, my faith is strong, etc

Waters too high for even the emergency services now. Hospitals are empty. Everybody's gone but Mr. Faithful, now on top of his house above the still-rising waters. Rescue copter comes by, there he is yelling through cupped hands over the sounds of the rotors:

"I'm fine! God will save me, my God is faithful!" And so the waters rise some more, and of course he drowns, and wakes up in paradise.

He demands an audience with the LORD. He is furious.

And so he meets God. "Lord," he says, "all my days I served you faithfully, and yet, in my hour of need, where were You?" And the LORD replies:

I ALSO WILL CHOOSE THEIR DELUSIONS, AND WILL BRING THEIR FEARS UPON THEM, BECAUSE WHEN I CALLED, NONE DID ANSWER; WHEN I SPOKE, NONE DID HEAR;

BUT THEY DID EVIL BEFORE MINE EYES AND CHOSE THAT IN WHICH I DELIGHTED NOT. THAT'S ISAIAH 66, READ IT SOMETIME, GOOD STUFF MY DEAD FRIEND; ALSO, WORD HAS REACHED ME THAT A GUY CAUGHT A DEADLY DISEASE WHOSE SPREAD HE PERSONALLY MIGHT HAVE HELPED TO CONTAIN, BUT DIDN'T,

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I LOVE LITERALLY EVERYBODY, YOU COULDN'T REALLY CONCEIVE OF IT, BUT IF YOU THINK THAT MEANS I DON'T TAKE GREAT PLEASURE IN PEOPLE REAPING THE GROUND THEY'VE SOWN, THEN YOU HAVE ENTIRELY THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT ME:

MY LOVE IS WILD, AND MY LOVE IS REAL, AND A GOOD FATHER LOVES HIS CHILDREN SO MUCH THAT HE'D RATHER PEOPLE ~DIDN'T EVEN BELIEVE HE EXISTS~ THAN SPOIL THEIR CHANCES TO LEARN THAT THE TREE YOU GROW WILL YIELD THE FRUIT YOU PLANTED,

SO YES, I SENT THE MAYOR, I SENT THE CHIEF, I SENT THE HELICOPTER, YOU KNOW THIS JOKE ALREADY, AND NOW YOU HAVE DIED BECAUSE YOU IGNORED VERY OBVIOUS COURSES OF ACTION AVAILABLE TO YOU;

BUT ALSO, WHILE I'M HERE, DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD SPARE MY MIGHTY HAND FROM ONE WHOSE WILLFUL OPPRESSION OF THE POOR AND THE NEEDY IS LITERALLY HIS PERSONAL BRAND?

WHO CLAIMS TO ACT IN MY NAME WHILE BELITTLING THE WEAK AND THE INFIRM?

I AM THE GOD OF THEY WHO HAVE LESS. I AM THE PROTECTOR OF THE IMMIGRANT AND THE OUTCAST. I CAME TO SET THE CAPTIVE FREE. I WILL NOT BE MOCKED. DISEASE IS NOT MY JUDGEMENT ON ANYBODY, OBVIOUSLY, I AM LOVE, IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT AND THIS IS JUST A PARABLE,

BUT IF YOU THINK I WILL NOT POUR OUT MY WRATH ON THESE NAZI CHARLETONS IN THESE LATTER DAYS, YOU HAD BETTER GO READ UP ABOUT ME

THERE'S A WHOLE BOOK, IT'S IN THE LIBRARY, YOU CAN FIND OUT WHAT I THINK ABOUT RULERS WHO EXALT THEMSELVES ABOVE THE PEOPLE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT.

"Ok," said the LORD, a little winded. "Sorry, good to meet you, got a little passionate there. Anyway, welcome! Sorry you had the whole thing wrong, not really My fault though, do check out the café, best coffee anywhere. See you around"

as my friend @ghirapurigears pointed out the other days, it's kinda tacky to talk about "karma" if you're not actually up on what the shastras actually say about karma -- karma isn't "it all comes back to you," it's a complex system

but

the old priest's joke holds

we can hear the voice of God when we ourselves are sick, and we can see the Hand of God working when the haughty are brought low

may they turn their hearts to God, the true and living God who has ten thousand Names and Whose whole deal is breaking down the doors of the jail, Whose Law is perfect and Whose ways are not this of the jailers

no matter where that jail is and no matter who it holds and no matter who prattles about "Law and Order." Selah /thread