Thread by @SQLAllFather, Five years dry.#FiveYearsDry Five years ago today I had my last drink. [...]

Five years dry.

#FiveYearsDry

Five years ago today I had my last drink.

I shared this story before, but this was before I had many followers, and before knew how threads work on Twitter, so I& #39;m going to share it here to celebrate.

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/health/05brod.html

1/">https://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/0...

High Functioning, but Still Alcoholics

As many as half of all alcoholics may be high-functioning types — able to live a successful life in spite of their addictions.

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/health/05brod.html

This story is deeply personal, but if it can help even one person – even a stranger – it’s worth it.

I used to drink a lot, and now I don& #39;t drink at all. It& #39;s been exactly five years since I last had a drink. Yes, I& #39;m counting.

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I& #39;ve never made this a secret, but I& #39;ve also never really made a big deal out of it. It& #39;s difficult for me to talk about problems, even problems for which I have already found solutions. But this feels important. It feels like something I should share.

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I have a dear (and very metal) friend who has been very vocal about his 20+ years without a drink, and his openness and honesty were invaluable inspiration to me. Maybe my sharing my own story will help someone else.

Maybe it will help you.

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I moved my family to the Seattle area in 2011. I still think it was the right thing to do, but the 12-18 months that followed was the most difficult period of my adult life. I was under insane amounts of stress at work and at home, and I was deeply depressed.

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I& #39;d been a moderate-to-heavy social drinker for three or four years before the move, but after the move I started drinking more. It was a crutch, a coping mechanism, and I knew it, but it was just one problem of many, and it seemed to help.

So I drank.

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Around early 2013 I heard the term "high-functioning alcoholic" for the first time. I was listening to a story on NPR about a successful author, and it sounded like he was describing me.

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He knew he had a problem, but no one else knew. He knew he should stop drinking, or at least drink less, but he couldn& #39;t do it. He thought about drinking when he was at work. He planned his drinking. He took steps to hide the extent of his drinking. The list went on and on.

8/

I did some research, and did a lot of soul-searching. I heard about Moderation Management (look it up if you want) and tried that approach. After a month I was drinking as much as I was before.

Moderation is not my forte.

9/

In the context of moderation, a friend shared this interesting article in response to this story. This sure sounds familiar too.

https://gretchenrubin.com/2011/04/quiz-are-you-a-moderator-or-an-abstainer-when-trying-to-give-something-up/

9.1/">https://gretchenrubin.com/2011/04/q...

Quiz: Are you a Moderator or an Abstainer, When Trying to Give Something Up?

Are you a moderator or abstainer? One of the great mysteries of happiness is: why don't we do the things that we know will make us happy? Why do we skip exercising? Why do we eat two doughnuts for...

https://gretchenrubin.com/2011/04/quiz-are-you-a-moderator-or-an-abstainer-when-trying-to-give-something-up/

At some point in late 2013 I stopped drinking entirely, but I did it quietly. I wasn& #39;t quitting because I was an alcoholic. I was quitting because I wanted to meet my fitness goals, and I didn& #39;t need the excess calories. I could not admit out loud the problem I knew I had.

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Keep in mind that this was at the point where I was in high gear for fitness. I was drinking heavily every night, but was still getting up before dawn every morning and hitting the weights before going to work. This was when I was buff and muscular and "healthy."

11/

The problem was hidden. But the problem was still there, and getting worse, and I knew it was a problem.

12/

I went eight or nine months without drinking until July 2014, when I went to Helsinki for a heavy metal festival. I wasn& #39;t planning on drinking on the trip, but there was some severe social pressure, and it was a special occasion.

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I gave in to that social pressure.

I told myself I& #39;d drink in Finland with friends, but I wouldn& #39;t keep drinking when I got home. I would only drink when out of the country. Yeah, that would work just fine.

14/

Except, of course, it didn& #39;t work at all. Within a month I was drinking as much as I had previously been drinking. Probably more. Definitely more a month after that.

At that point I knew I needed to stop, and to not start back up again.

15/

I had demonstrated to myself that I was good at not drinking at all.

I had demonstrated to myself that I was fucking awesome at drinking heavily all the time.

And I had demonstrated to myself that I was not at all good at drinking in moderation.

16/

I knew I needed to stop, or it was going to kill me.

Despite this it took me over a year, until October 2015, to quit for good. It was incredibly difficult, and each and every day was a struggle up until the day I quit.

17/

Part of what enabled me to stop was finally reaching a point where I wanted to live more than I wanted to drink. I needed to want it badly enough to do it, and I needed to want it for myself, on my own.

18/

Part of stopping was saying to my wife, out loud, that I wasn& #39;t going to drink anymore, ever again.

I had never previously shared how difficult it was to quit. As a general rule I don& #39;t need or appreciate external motivation.

19/

People ask me how I get up and exercise every morning. "I get up and exercise. Every morning. Without exception."

I don& #39;t need or want anyone to help me with personal accountability. How can I ever succeed if I don& #39;t want to achieve my goals badly enough to act?

20/

Side comment for 2020: I miss the gym so much, and I miss my historical fencing club even more.

I& #39;m so grateful to Past Matthew for quitting in 2015, because I do not think I could quit in 2020.

20.1/

With alcohol I had found an exception to this rule of self-contained motivation. It may seem like a little thing, but for me it was vital. I had said to the person who means the most to me, that I was done drinking, forever.

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Although this wasn& #39;t the biggest thing, it was the extra weight on the scale when I needed it, when I was feeling weak, when I needed help.

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Part of stopping was eliminating habits and behaviors that I associated with drinking. This was a tricky one for me, since I typically drank at home, rather than drinking at bars.

23/

When you& #39;re used to pouring yourself a drink before sitting on the couch at the end of a long day, you might need to avoid the couch for a week, or for a month.

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When you& #39;re used to mixing a round or three of cocktails when preparing dinner, you might need to deliberately structure your evening differently.

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And for those times when you know you& #39;re going to have a drink right fucking now or else you& #39;re going to fucking explode, it helps to have a default fallback activity, so you can redirect that energy without needing to plan something.

26/

For me this was the gym. On October 4th, 2015 I weighed 201 pounds. On December 31st I weighed 193.

(2020 side note - LOL @ the scale.)

This might not work for everyone, but it worked for me. Find something that works for you. Something that fills the gap.

27/

And an important part of sticking to it was being open about it. I found funny (funny to me, anyway) responses when people would offer me a drink or asked me why I& #39;d quit.

"I reached my lifetime limit earlier than scheduled."

"I& #39;m saving some for the rest of you."

28/

Perhaps my favorite was a fitting video game reference: "I& #39;d already defeated all the bosses in the game, and realized I was just grinding through side missions and not really enjoying it anymore."

You get the idea.

29/

These days I usually just say that I don& #39;t do moderation well, and that I chose life. I didn& #39;t choose something else.

Here& #39;s to the next five years of life.

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