This week showed that just as singles from good families will surely catch an advantageous marriage if they spend too much time at rooftop bars, Republicans will catch the 'rona if they spend too long near the president. Let's see who's catching the good sickness this week...

I have found one YouTube video labeled "Sweet Cash Band," of a Johnny Cash cover, and I will assume that's them. They are emphatically OK!

FYI:

It a truth universally acknowledged, that a Park Slope-residing son of Columbia professors in possession of a guitar, must be in want of a Johnny Cash cover band.

I foresee a legal battle.

I love when the cruel Vows editors allows the beleaguered writers to wax poetic, if only for a moment.

Does this definite article mean there is only one such gown *in the world*, like the Hope diamond?

OK, this was on the Wedding Section page, and I read it without realizing and now I feel absolutely tricked. WTF, New York Times?! Do I have to get a divorce now?

Oh, you mean like couples of modest means who started dating a month before one of their leases was up have been doing since time immemorial?

(This might have been part of how I ended up married at 23, TBQH.)

Charm as a non-renewable resource.

Outdoors, but still. Why do people want to tempt fate like this?

This is the shit that gives reply guys hope.

*between you and ME. Jeez, way to ruin the most important moment of your relationship!

I'm glad this worked for them, lid for every pot, etc., etc., but this sounds fucking terrible.

Oh, bless your innocent heart. That is not everything grown folks do on a first date in the year 2020.

Did I say PF Chang's sounded terrible? Now it sounds pretty good.

Why does anyone have relationship problems when they could just solve them by purchasing a condominium?

FYI, Times, the term for someone who is senior and agile is "spry."

Not good enough.

Cursed union.

Seriously, I wouldn't even let Alito sign off on my divorce.

After that, he pulled out a copy of the Bible signed by the devil himself.

"Oh, you provide healthcare to children? I clerk for a judge who hates healthcare for children!"

He passed the lowest bar ever.

This is a reason not to marry someone.

We didn't beat England in two wars for people to go around celebrating monarchy like this.

(Yes, Megan and Harry are the best British (ex) royals, but still.)

Actually, props to her for putting a disqualifying characteristic up front as a warning.

He knew from her love of British royals that she would be down for the culinary colonialism.

PS, I just realized that she stans for Domino's *and lives in New York City*. She is the worst.

Alexa, generate a headline-sub hed combination that will make me angry and then angrier.

(I am a left-wing elected official in Connecticut, see?)

Oh, OK, I'm less mad now that I realize who it is. He's political rival in the sense that he was also contemplating a run for governor, but he's also a Republican, so they share bad values.

Do you understand how hated Eversource is in Connecticut? Hating Eversource is like the one thing (other than loving residential segregation) that can unify people across the party divide.

This is hilarious, by the way, because the guy who did run was absolutely less appealing than either of them - not in terms of policy, but in terms of being an absolute doofus.