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I had the most amazing evening in a long long time. Went dinner with my first BF from 17 years ago. Although we split up 16 years back, we kept in touch and met up on and off. The last I met him was 3 years back.
We went for a nice stroll after dinner and then had some cake & ice cream. Talked a lot about our lives, ex bf’s, careers, investments, families, hopes, dreams & heartaches.
I find it so meaningful, like reconnecting with a part of my younger self. We were both in our early 20s and were each other’s first BF. We (mostly me) made mistakes, quarreled, parted on not so good terms, but always had a soft spot for each other. So proud to see us here today.
We got to know each other in 2003, when Singapore was going through SARS. He had just graduated from NUS and was working in medical field at SGH, which was the control center for SARS, the equivalent of today’s NCID for Covid-19.
Most businesses adopted split teams back then and I was working from home that day when I received a “heart” on http://fridae.com . These were the days before smart phones and http://fridae.com was a prominent gay lifestyle portal. A heart is the equivalent of a tap.
I still have the images of the profile that sent me a heart. A picture of a beautiful smooth lean torso (not many people put face pics those days). A second picture was a full body of a ballet dancer (without face).
I hit back with a heart and soon we started chatting via fridae’s messaging feature. And thereafter exchanged face pics over email and over to SMS communication (no WhatsApp or telegram back then).
We met over a weekend, I remember at Tampines Mall). I still remember the day I spotted him. My heart was beating so fast looking out for him and I was so elated when he looked exactly the same cute angelic faced boy as in his photographs.
I took him over to my place on our first date (I was living by myself by then and had my own room I was sharing with some stewardesses). We had vodka and orange juice and I remember I got very drunk. We made love that night and he complained next day that I was very rough.
We started going out on a regular basis and he helped me out with some community service work & cultural activities I was engaged in back then. Esplanade has just opened back then and we did a show together there. I was the MC and he was a dancer at the same event.
Sometime along the way I asked him to be my BF and he agreed. I remember passing my class 2B license during that time and I bought my first motorbike (a scrambler) despite his objections. He was the first person to ride pillion on my motorbike.
He was then living with his sister at a rented flat in Holland Village (he was not a PR yet then) and I used to spend every weekend with him at HV. We used to spend the weekends in town watching movies or roaming the malls.
He used to cook ... I remember his pasta dishes. He bought me my first electric toothbrush and also introduced me to Lord of the Rings (we watched all 3 parts of the trilogy)! I remember buying him a Swatch watch for his birthday (or was it Christmas?).
We went for our first and only holiday to KL. Air fares were so exorbitant back then so we took the train on the way up and the coach on the way back. We stayed at Radion (?) Hotel and remember going to Berjaya Times Square etc.
He was very possessive and would often get angry with me for looking at other guys or smiling/engaging familiar faces when out and about. I was quite active in the gay scene then through clubbing, #sgboy IRC chatroom and http://sgboy.com paegents (hello @ChasteGaymer!!)
He would be angry with me for going to clubs and we would have endless arguments over it. I started going to clubs without telling him. Someone would tell him about seeing me and we would argue and fight over these.
His whole life revolved around me and I disliked it. Along the way the relationship felt more like a noose around my neck as opposed to a rewarding experience. Being young and naive, I opted for the easy way out and called off the relationship.
I was thoughtless and couldn’t care less and broke up with him through email. I didn’t even had the heart to meet him to talk about it. I remember him calling me on the phone, crying and pleading with me to reconsider. I was heartless and said cruel words to hasten the process.
He send me a letter a week after the breakup along with a parcel of all the stuff I had leftover at his place. I still have the letter with me till this day and it was the most painful note I have ever read in my life.
Of course I regretted the breakup a few months after it happened and my attempts to reconnect with him were rejected. I remember reaching out to him for several years there after and always being given the cold shoulder.
In fact we met up in person about 2 years after the breakup and it was a very cold and uncomfortable meeting. After that we kind of drifted off until Facebook came into the picture. By then he was already attached and I was living in a different part of the world.
Fast forward to 2017, we caught up after he send me a congratulatory message upon seeing that I completed my post graduate course. We went for brunch and parted ways amicably and stayed in touch on and off through the past 3 years.
I was feeling a bit down over the weekend and randomly chatted him up. I’m glad I did that coz we got to meet up and I could go down this memory lane. How memorable, although not everything is grand and rosy, he left a great influence and impression on me all these years.
Your first boyfriend will rarely be your last, however will always be your most treasured love. The butterflies in your stomach, the happiness, the anxieties, the joys, the memories. No one forgets their first love. Thank you B for taking my hand and for staying present.
