a thread about how i ruined my last relationship

earlier while i was taking a bath, bigla ko naalala last relationship ko 2 years ago and how it affected me in so many ways; good and bad.

i was 18 and he was 23 (if i’m not mistaken) when we became lovers. to start with the good things, that relationship made me come out as a person who’s not straight (idk yet if i’m bi or gay). i posted our picture on my old twitter account with “hi, i love you” as a caption.

i did that because i loved my ex, so much and i don’t want to hide our relationship from my friends at least. during those days, we were super happy and inlove. i also got to meet his friends which are super cool by the way and we even played beer pong.

it was my first time, and i was so grateful. things were going smoothly as we always see each other almost everyday. we stay at even mall in recto, manila and eat siomai with matching gulaman, go to super 8 to buy snacks as we do movie marathon.

those were the days that i want to remember because it made me realize that it’s important to appreciate little things. we don’t have enough money to pay for a good place to stay as we were both students that time.

we always eat kwek-kwek and chicken skin at isetan and hug each other at the end of lrt station before we part ways as we go home. i felt so special, honestly.

we were okay basically until the time when he started sharing more about his past, his ex, his crushes and his encounters. i appreciate him for being so honest and open but something about it made me feel so insecure, jealous and i think i became a toxic boyfriend.

it became extreme when i felt that he still loves his ex who happened to have the same name as mine. there was a time when i asked him about it and the answer i got was “hindi naman nawawala ang love” *non-verbatim*

i didn’t know what to feel but i reacted like it was okay just to prove to him that i am a very open and understanding boyfriend. and no, i don’t blame him for that.

a lot of things were going on inside my head and i remember, i brokedown so many times fighting myself. i started to think the worst things. i’ve been struggling mentally since then and i remember when i broke my phone, i took that chance to stop talking to him.

until i suddenly fell out of love. i didn’t know how i feel about him anymore and i wasn’t sure if i should still fight for our relationship. when i couldn’t feel anything, i decided to break up with him through chat. yes, through chat and that’s how i dealt with it.

i couldn’t face him, or even talk to him over the phone. it just happened, not the way it should be. i just can’t, i’m sorry.

it’s been an hour since i started composing this thread, but just want to let it out and let you know that i am sorry.