Good morning fellow Nigerians.

This is your president speaking and I have come to tell you the real reasons why the past administration, my administration and even the ones coming after me will not #EndSARS.

I hope you listen carefully and take these points very seriously.

You see, the kind of democracy we practice can only be viable if we maintain an element of fear in the citizens.

Even if I were to tell SARS to stop killing you, I will probably ask the Army to pick it up.

I need you to fear everyone that's supposed to protect you.

How does that help me you may ask? But you see, as the democratically self elected president of this dear nation that works for me and my children, I need to ensure the armed security apparatuses stay loyal to me, I will need them the next time I decide to self elect myself again

They are more important to me than your single votes that you do not come out to cast anyway.

They work for me during election and if I can help perpetuate a clime where you're already terrified of them, it means they will not get challenged when I send them to help me

collate some ballot boxes as the self elected president of this country.

Asides that fact, it also keeps your attention away from me and all the public funds that end up in the private accounts of me and my friends.

You see my fellow Nigerians, I understand that in the grand

scheme of things, self preservation comes before any political idealism.

If I can keep you worried about your safety on the streets, then surely you will not have time to question me about all the projects we spend billions on and for which we have nothing to show.

Also these gentlemen that you call SARS and you're asking me to end. How do you expect them to feed themselves and their families. They are some of the finest men from our prison system who though previously may have been arrested for violent crimes, they have been completely

reformed by our great prison system. They are some of the most fearless people in this country and although the past administration may have thought they are best suited to confront other violent criminals like themselves, we have now found better use for them.

Is it the small 100k they are taking from you that is making you shout. It shows you're unemphatic because as you all know, we don't have money to fund the police. So I want you to see it as your civic duty to provide for them, but you're all stingy and they have to take it at

gun point sometimes. If only you were more upstanding citizens.

It is better we make them police officers than leave them in our prisons where their talents are wasting and release them back into the streets as armed robbers. At least now you can clearly see the faces of those

who are robbing you, unlike in the previous government when they always came at night with masks
And I assure you, they kill only stingy people now.

That's an achievement of my administration which I'm very proud of. I'm sure you agree that day light robbery is not as scary.

I have heard reports that these men provide security and safe passage for drug runners and the biggest fraudsters.

Well my dear Nigerians, you have to understand that these men have a particular set of talent that they have to be able to use. My government is now harnessing

that talent. Can you tell a criminal to stop being a criminal? It is impossible. So it is better we guide those talents into productive services like drugs logistics and day light robbery where they are less dangerous than the other option. You must understand this.

My dear Nigerians, SARS is not your friend, they are mine. All my friends that I put in big big places in the police always call me and say "Buhabadu we are not seeing your hand o, we are not getting a big enough share of the national cake."

You must understand that these

friends of mine cannot get a bigger share because of the thieving senators and reps that you voted in. Just a few months ago, they told me they needed 37 Billion for renovation of National Assembly. Haba! Is it a war zone? They are not the only ones, your governors too.

Why do you think that boy in Lagos is more concerned showing his football skills than securing the lives of the young Nigerians in his state.

It is because he knows he has a fault in it. They have share all the money and my friends who are big big people in the police, they

have a lifestyle to maintain. Their boys in SARS that take money from stingy Nigerians fulfill that role.

The matter is plenty, but the bulk of it is. This arrangement works for me, I will not end SARS just because a few stingy lazy Nigerian youths are making noise.

Also, there's no way you can force me to do it. You're all lazy Nigerian youths who think social media noise will make me do something that doesn't favour me.

But because I'm a gracious self elected leader, I will tell Pastor, my 2nd in command to do a zoom conference on the

issue. We will pretend like we're taking it seriously because we have the international community to worry about. Then we will give you a break period. But understand that they will be back and there's nothing you can do about it.

We must learn how to live in peace and

understand eachother.

Thank you fellow Nigerians and God bless you, I will bless myself.