Women who dump their babies aren't evil. They need help.
Being depressed while pregnant is no joke. You have to take care of yourself and the little one inside you.
Angphathi ke if your home situation isn't great. Be it financially or emotionally.

Personally I was so depressed I didn't take care of myself. I hardly ate while I was pregnant. I lost weight. My partner would force me to eat. My psychiatrist would beg me to go on antidepressants. I chose not to because no one knew the effects it might have on the child.

So I didn't want to risk it.
Every appointment. My gynae would call my psychiatrist bethi ababoni kahle. I'm not okay. I had weekly telephonic appointments because of this. I felt absolutely nothing for Nugget. Not love. Not hate. I was just pregnant.

My friends would want to rub my tummy. Sing to her. My partner would talk to her. Abe excited and id just be like whatever man. I didn't even want a baby shower. My friends did it anyway. I didn't open up the gifts until a week before i gave birth. I didn't shop until I HAD TO.

I had to be induced because I was not making any progress. And baby was in a bit of distress. On the day angazi what I was thinking but I was not present. Not in the moment. I remember telling mom I feel nothing and she said you have no choice. Its not about feeling anymore.

Giving birth. Was hella painful. I was alone with the midwife ke. But even in my pictures I look a little sad. That day is still hazy. I knew what was going on but ngathi i was having an out of body experience. Now I was stuck alone in a hospital and having to take care of a baby

No one tells you how. You're woken up to feed. Whether she latches on properly or not. No one is bothered. I got lucky though. My nurse kept coming to check on me. If I'm holding her correctly and so on.
FFW to home. Id sleep and forget i have a baby. Ikhale and I'd be like ???

Im not even going to go in depth about the drama back home. Waye khala ngimbuke nje. My partner would jump in. If I'm left alone with her the whole day. Id take care of her but sometimes scream or shout if she doesn't keep quiet. Bare in mind when mom is distressed so is baby.

I did not connect at all. I'd literally look at my partner and my friend take care of her and hug her and say i love you to her and get jealous. I couldn't do that. Id refer to her as the baby. Mom came to help and shouted that I dont speak to her or sing to her when shes crying

Again my psychiatrist said antidepressants now that ive given birth. I declined coz that meant i wont be able to breastfeed. And I actually wanted to. I missed so many moments. I hardly have any pictures with her or of her the first 2 months. Bekunzima. But I had support

My situation was a tad better coz had it not been for my partner or nuggets godmother and my doctors angazi ngempela what would have happened. Now think of someone experiencing all of this alone. Some even go into a state of panic and try suffocating their babies just to keep...

Them quiet.
First question my psychiatrist asked me "uma ekhala ufisa sengathi engathula unomphela" because thats what happens.

I'm not condoning dumping babies esgangeni and so on because there's so many places one can leave their baby

But all I'm saying is be a little mindful. Put yourself in their shoes. They're not in the right state of mind. They don't need jail. They need help.

This is the first time I'm even speaking about this.
I haven't been able to say I love nugget yet but when she smiles. Man.

And thats how I know I'm getting better.