I exist solely because of the caste system (and that's not really a good thing): A thread on my paternal lineage, heartbreak, abandonment and most importantly, how the caste system affects families through generations (1/n)

2 years ago, I was trying to trace and document my paternal lineage which has its roots in present day Myanmar. My paternal grandfather (Achacha) was born in Burma in 1938. His father went from Kerala to Burma to be a station master at Irrawady, all places under British raj (2/n)

In Irrawady, my great grandpa (a Nair) met and impregnated a Tamil,Dalit woman. He tried to ditch her but her brothers got them married. My great grandmother was supposed to be a fantastic person unlike my great grandfather. Together they had 4 kids, Achacha being the third (3/n)

When he was just 3, Achacha lost his mother and one of his sisters. Soon after, his father left his 3 kids with their mother's sister and returned to India. Achacha and his siblings lived with their aunt's family in Burma until 1942. And then World War II happened...

Burma, being a British colony, was being bombed by Japan during WWII. Achacha, his siblings, cousins and family set out by foot to get to a place near Rangoon to catch a ship arranged by the British to bring them back to India. Achacha's older sister and cousins tell me more 5/n

They walked across hills, crossing over dead bodies, losing a cousin on the way, watching a fleet of ships getting bombed. Finally they boarded a navy ship and reached Kolkata. From there his aunt found a train to Madras, which is how they landed up in a refugee colony (6/n)

This is what I had set out to document. The rarely spoke about migration from Burma to India, particularly Madras. And how they shape the city with at least 5 Burma Colonies and Burma Bazaar that still exist today. And hopefully I will finish it someday. (7/n)

What I didn't expect was to learn more about Achacha. We've never been too close. In general he's a reserved man who stresses on getting a good education and doing financially and socially well for ourselves. But when he was my age, he was a different man...

Soon after they reached Madras his aunt used up all the money and gold they saved to rent a house for them and get her kids and her sister's kids educated. About two decades later, she was looking for a girl for Achacha. Unknown to her, Achacha was in love with a fisherwoman 9/n

When Achacha's aunt went to meet a girl for him, she was turned away because they didn't want their daughter marrying a "Dalit's son" I'm guessing that really changed something for her. When Achacha told his aunt he wanted to marry the woman he loved, she refused saying he will..

..only marry a Nair girl. And soon,v that's what he did. He married my Achamma (paternal grandmother) and had 3 kids with her, my father (Papa) being the youngest. After Papa was born, Achacha disappeared. Papa didn't see his father until he was 5 years old. (10/n)

I don't know where Achacha was for those 5 years but it is strongly implied that he went back to the woman he loved. I don't know what made him come back or if that was his choice, but unlike his father, he stayed with his family and worked hard for them as much as he could.

We never talk about this. None of my cousins or my sister know about this. I just remember the times Papa burst out in anger saying "you don't know what your Achacha put us through" when I would foolishly call Achacha a better father than Papa as a teenager. (12/n)

I've always seen Papa hold a small sense of resentment towards Achacha and I think I understand it better now. I don't know if or how much hurt and abandonment my Achamma and Papa's older sisters feel. Today my aunts are both married to Brahmins and Papa married Amma, a savarna.

As most UCs, me and my cousins grew up with (and still have) immense caste privilege not knowing or caring for our grandparents past. And as most Indian families, we never talk about it even though our existence is because of this wretched caste system I claim to be against 14/n

Today we're all seemingly happy, my dad and his sisters very close to their aging parents, all of us meeting a few times a year at my grandparents' house, standing on the carpet under which they've brushed all their secrets and pain. And I don't know who to blame. (15/n)

Do I blame Achacha's aunt, a Dalit woman, for wanting (what she thought was) better for him, do I blame Achacha for abandoning a family he never wanted in the first place (but one he loves and cares for so much today)how much do I blame a caste system me & my family still uphold?

Tomorrow Achacha turns 82. I wonder what his life would have been like if he could have been with the woman he loved. I wonder if he also thinks about it. I wonder if he'd tell me if I asked. But then again, we're an Indian family. (n)

If my family - with privilege & resources have been affected by the caste system, I cant imagine the toll caste system takes on LC families.
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