Why babies blow my mind: a thread

1. They are basically humans but small. So like you take a human, press shrink, and Bam! It's a baby.

2. They can't hold things. They just can't. Their hands are too small. They're too small to hold things. This is a locked ability.

2. I don't know what they do. What do they do? Cry? Sleep? Play? Taxes? It's a real mystery.

6. When do they unlock which abilities? When can they bite? Eat solid food? Speak? Do taxes? Hold?

3. Why are they too premium for years? You're telling me that Susan is 32 months old but all I hear is confusion. Why can't Susan be 2 years old and 8 months old? How do non-baby people translate from month speak to year speak

8. What do you DO with a baby? What do you do with it? Feed? Sleep? Burp? Burp in face? Play? How do you play with a baby? Do you give the baby blocks or Legos? What do you do when the baby starts crying? Do you scratch the babies leg? Can you play peek-a-boo with a baby? Why?

4. What do babies wear? What do babies eat? Where do babies sleep? Do babies sleep? What do you give a baby? Most importantly: can a baby do taxes???????

7. Babies have soft cheeks. Babies have hair (sometimes). Babies have very small fingers. Babies are delicate. Don't break the baby. Bob. Bob put down the baby. Bob they baby can't jump down stairs. No Bob. Don't throw the baby Bob. Bob don't break the baby.

10. Babies are attention whores. Absolute sluts for attention. Babies will cry and whine and yell til they get what they want. Hoes.

9. Sometimes when babies cry, they don't have any tears come out. So basically they are faking it. They fake crying and call me crazy, but that seems kinda toxic tho bro.

End thread Moral of the story, can I babysit your child? I need someone to do my taxes.