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If you can watch your friend systematically cause pain and trauma in the lives of everyone around you and shrug and go "Not my problem"'
You are a terrible friend.
You are a terrible friend.
Every abusive person keeps around them a cadre of people they are not abusive to.
These people are shields against criticism. They are there to nullify claims of harm.
If lots of people are reporting harm to you and you just "don't see it"
You're part of the shield group
These people are shields against criticism. They are there to nullify claims of harm.
If lots of people are reporting harm to you and you just "don't see it"
You're part of the shield group
People in the shield group can be counted on to defend the abusive person.
"They've never been mean to ME"
"You're just biased because they hurt you"
"I'm gonna stay neutral"
"They may have fucked up but you just don't see how hard they're trying"
Gaslighting
"They've never been mean to ME"
"You're just biased because they hurt you"
"I'm gonna stay neutral"
"They may have fucked up but you just don't see how hard they're trying"
Gaslighting
Am I saying you cannot be friends with someone who causes harm?
Of course not. Everyone is
The question is, are you content to enable that harm?
Do you ignore it when it's inconvenient?
Is your philosophy "They're good to me so that's all I need to know?"
THAT'S the problem
Of course not. Everyone is
The question is, are you content to enable that harm?
Do you ignore it when it's inconvenient?
Is your philosophy "They're good to me so that's all I need to know?"
THAT'S the problem
Do you see it as an obligation as a friend to not be complicit in their abuse?
Do you see it as an obligation to defend your friend against all accusations without being curious about the victims?
If so, you're just helping them get away with it.
You're helping them be worse
Do you see it as an obligation to defend your friend against all accusations without being curious about the victims?
If so, you're just helping them get away with it.
You're helping them be worse
Some things to watch out for:
If your friend insists anyone who complains about them is a hater.
If every story of conflict is ultimately someone else's fault
If you find that your friend's narrative about harm caused doesn't match what you know.
If your friend insists anyone who complains about them is a hater.
If every story of conflict is ultimately someone else's fault
If you find that your friend's narrative about harm caused doesn't match what you know.
You may not have signed up to be a shield.
But they will make you one if you let them.
They count on you never holding them accountable
They seek forgiveness from YOU
And one day you will wake up and find that you aided and abetted an incredible amount of pain and harm.
But they will make you one if you let them.
They count on you never holding them accountable
They seek forgiveness from YOU
And one day you will wake up and find that you aided and abetted an incredible amount of pain and harm.
Being a friend is more than protecting and defending people from the consequences of their actions.
True friends are committed to the well being and health of their friends.
And letting your friend harm others without consequence isn't at all beneficial to their well being.
True friends are committed to the well being and health of their friends.
And letting your friend harm others without consequence isn't at all beneficial to their well being.
In America... You can see this play out in grand scale.
All of the above can be applied directly to white America's attitudes and positions regarding the police
All of the above can be applied directly to white America's attitudes and positions regarding the police
The police can always count on white America to cover for them.
"One bad apple!"
"I've always had good interactions"
"Black people are exaggerating"
"They're doing their best"
"They're hugging kids!"
"You are being unfair to them"
"They killed her but it wasn't their fault"
"One bad apple!"
"I've always had good interactions"
"Black people are exaggerating"
"They're doing their best"
"They're hugging kids!"
"You are being unfair to them"
"They killed her but it wasn't their fault"
If you're against the cops and wonder how anyone could stand up for them....
Ask yourself what went through YOUR head when your friend was in the same position as the cops.
Cause that's how.
Ask yourself what went through YOUR head when your friend was in the same position as the cops.
Cause that's how.
They will present you with small, modest improvements while their most grievous sins go unaddressed.
They get to claim "reform" while not changing anything that matters.
Eventually you are in the position of applauding them for the bare minimum.
They get to claim "reform" while not changing anything that matters.
Eventually you are in the position of applauding them for the bare minimum.
