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Tonight we’re thinking about Victor’s forgetfulness.
A thread.
Do you ever wonder if Victor’s memory got better after me met Yuuri? Because I do.
I don’t think that Victor is actually forgetful by nature. I think a lot of what he “forgets” are things he doesn’t assign 1/
A thread.
Do you ever wonder if Victor’s memory got better after me met Yuuri? Because I do.
I don’t think that Victor is actually forgetful by nature. I think a lot of what he “forgets” are things he doesn’t assign 1/
any value to/doesn’t pay attention to in the first place.
And that includes all of “life” and “love”.
Here’s what I mean by that:
At first, skating is Victor’s singular focus. All of his time, energy and attention are given to the ice. He neglects his relationships 2/
And that includes all of “life” and “love”.
Here’s what I mean by that:
At first, skating is Victor’s singular focus. All of his time, energy and attention are given to the ice. He neglects his relationships 2/
(or fails to build any in the first place) as he grows up, gives his all to skating bc that’s what he’s passionate about. He’s gifted, yes, but it’s still a hard fight for him to get to the top, taking every ounce of his dedication. He doesn’t pay attention to the people 3/
around him or what they say, if it doesn’t pertain to skating. His own skating, his own career, specifically.
By the time he’s made it to the top and staying there doesn’t take up all his energy any more, he notices that a) he’s never learned how to be around other people, 4/
By the time he’s made it to the top and staying there doesn’t take up all his energy any more, he notices that a) he’s never learned how to be around other people, 4/
talk to them, pay attention, engage. He just doesn’t know how to do it. And b) there’s suddenly this distance between him and everyone else. They don’t know how to approach him, he doesn’t know how to approach them, their lives are so far away from his own, somehow. Of course 5/
he interacts with people all the time, with his fans, the press, other skaters. But it’s never on an equal level. It’s not that he thinks he’s better than them, but his fans put him on a pedestal and he needs to select his words carefully and he meets so *many of them*. 6/
Many of the other skaters treat him with reverence too, or else resentment, and he doesn’t know what he can say to them that doesn’t sound condescending or like he’s humble-bragging or is interpreted as some kind of a taunt by the press or the skaters themselves. So all convos 7/
always stay on the surface (people like Chris likely being the exception).
And any conversation that stays on the surface, any conversation that doesn’t touch upon the realities of Victor’s life (and that reality has always been skating, skating, skating), he forgets. 8/
And any conversation that stays on the surface, any conversation that doesn’t touch upon the realities of Victor’s life (and that reality has always been skating, skating, skating), he forgets. 8/
I believe that Victor has an excellent memory when it comes to skating. He knows and remembers all his competitors by name, he knows who their coaches and choreographers are, where they train, what their strengths and weaknesses on the ice are. What their jump rosters are. 9/
What their potential best score could be if they have an exceptional skate and if that could get anywhere close to his own scores.
But is he going to remember everything a young fan tells him about how much his skating means to them? Is he going to remember what his 10/
But is he going to remember everything a young fan tells him about how much his skating means to them? Is he going to remember what his 10/
competitors told him in casual conversation abt their routines or if they’ve been to Moscow before or who came to watch them skate? Is he going to remember every young skater he encouraged to get better and promised to meet on the ice one day, assuming that they will either 11/
never make it or, if they do, he’ll be long retired?
No. He does not remember.
Not because he’s a cold or just forgetful, but because he doesn’t know how to care about people who aren’t directly connected to him. And since he doesn’t know how to *connect* with people, 12/
No. He does not remember.
Not because he’s a cold or just forgetful, but because he doesn’t know how to care about people who aren’t directly connected to him. And since he doesn’t know how to *connect* with people, 12/
there’s barely any of those.
This becomes even worse in the latter years of his winning streak, when everything blurs together and becomes kind of muted. Even if he did really try, he doesn’t have energy left to pay attention to his competitors as anything more than numbers 13/
This becomes even worse in the latter years of his winning streak, when everything blurs together and becomes kind of muted. Even if he did really try, he doesn’t have energy left to pay attention to his competitors as anything more than numbers 13/
and skills on the ice. What little focus is left goes into keeping him upright on his skates and the top of the podium, because that’s what comes easy to him. That’s what he’s always done. He can do this in his sleep almost, whereas paying attention to people and listening 14/
to their words and engaging with them in meaningful ways is hard and exhausting and he’s got no energy to try anymore.
And now imagine how this changes after he meets Yuuri.
Through Yuuri, Victor not only finds his energy and rediscovers love, he also finds "life" again. 15/
And now imagine how this changes after he meets Yuuri.
Through Yuuri, Victor not only finds his energy and rediscovers love, he also finds "life" again. 15/
He learns how to engage w/ people and listen to their needs. He learns how to connect with people outside of skating (see: the Katsukis). He learns he’s allowed to exist outside of his little well defined circle of ice.
He gets closer to the younger skaters. Yuri, of course 16/
He gets closer to the younger skaters. Yuri, of course 16/
but also, through Yuuri, Phichit and Guang-Hong and Leo, and so on. They admire him, yes, but Yuuri acts as a connector between them, making it easier to engage. Yuuri cares about them, and Victor cares about Yuuri, so maybe Victor can care about them too. And then he notices 17/
that perhaps it’s not that hard, when he really allows himself to be approachable, not just in his press personality, but also just as a person. And maybe suddenly it’s not so difficult to remember the names of Phichit’s hamsters and that Guang-Hong doesn’t like hot pot 18/
and how Sara and Mila’s relationship is going. Imagine how surprised when Victor remembers these little details they once mentioned off-handedly that they never thought someone like Victor could pay attention to, let alone that it would *matter* to him enough to remember. 19/
All of this to say:
Imagine Victor’s memory being filled with more than routines and scores and skills and rankings: with faces and smiles and families and anecdotes and connections and emotion and actual *memories*.
Imagine Victor’s memory being filled with more than routines and scores and skills and rankings: with faces and smiles and families and anecdotes and connections and emotion and actual *memories*.
