Sometimes I’m like “I shouldn’t tweet my feelings” and then other times I’m like “we need to destigmatise mental illness and be honest about our sadness”. Tonight is the latter. I feel fucking awful atm.

I’ve been aware of my anxiety for nearly 10 years now, potentially been living with it inside me for more than that with recurring levels of depression for most of that time too.

This is the longest I’ve gone without a job since graduating uni 5 years ago. My last job ended in November last year and it was such a comedown to leave something I watched grow and develop and have no investment in its continuity. I took that personally - I shouldn’t have.

I moved on, had an interview at the BBC and was even due to start a job at Global but for the pandemic. I morbidly felt okay about it seen as a lot of people are in the same boat. Almost like a false sense of security knowing that a lot of people were struggling and not just me.

Now that things are (questionably) starting to return to a bit of normality, I feel like I’m getting lost further. I’m terrified of working again because I really don’t think my anxiety would manage it after such a long set back.

I don’t have much of a purpose to this thread at this point, I don’t need a bunch of solutions that likely won’t help me, I just need to sort of publicly vent this as I don’t want to burden anyone directly with how I feel and talk more about it than I want to.

TL DR:

I’m not good rn. That’s okay, I’ve not been good for ages. I don’t need solutions I just needed to vent a bit