I am PLHIV: A thread.

p.s. I hope you’ll learn something from this.

p.p.s. i didn’t know about HIV until first year college.

i am a PLHIV since September 2017. I am undetectable ever since until October 2019. My VL count went from <30 to 203. They changed my meds and I became religious in taking them. And then last September 18, a day before my birthday, i got my VL result and it’s UND.

I know i have sexual partners who i didn’t disclose this with and i am truly sorry for that if dito mo makikita or malalaman. But i had to do this for myself. if ever you wanna talk to me, approach me through dm or messenger i’m free.

I have a rough past especially when it comes to sexual encounters. To get to the point, i was taught to masturbate when i was 5 by my 8 year old cousin. i was molested as a child when i was about 7-8 years old by a mid-40s to early 50s (repeatedly).

I had an orgy when i was in gradeschool and our ages were close to 8-14 y/os. They’re all straight now, ako lang naging bi. I was raped when i was 14 by a 22 stranger. and this stranger became my fubu. And i have been having sex irresponsibly since then.

Kaya ever since, ang dali sakin pagusapan ng tungkol sa sex. It’s so easy i got to the point that i open the topic even if it’s inappropriate to do so given the event, place, or ppl i am talking to. And again, i thought it’s okay until i realized sa mga kausap ko atm na it’s not.

I never knew i have this wrong mindset until lately. I thought it’s normal to be touched so i tried running my fingers sa thighs ng mga nakakasama ko sa van, or bus to seduce them. i was turned on sa mga forced sex sa movies or porn. my mind was damaged. i am damaged.

Instead of having a trauma, all i got are kinks. wrong ones. dirty ones. illegal ones. i do it anywhere. and that’s what i hate about myself. that’s what i cannot forgive about myself. that why i cannot love myself. that’s why i don’t know my worth. ‘cause for me, all i am is sex

Basically, what happened to me, i did it to someone else because i thought it’s okay.

I am sorry for those people i have done wrong during those years i’ve been exploring. I know i should have known better. I just can’t. i tried resisting but i can’t. And yes, i need help.

I have also shared my story because apparently this issue has been rumoring around years ago. I have caught only one person who leaked this info about me and i was actually going to tag him but nevermind. I just want to come clean and let people know para tapos na.

I was 19 when i was diagnosed. i have been through a lot. And God knows how damaged i am but i’m still fighting.

So if you are anywhere near my situation right now. In the dark and terrible place, it’s okay. you’re scared and sad and it’s okay. Malalagpasan natin to.

I know my life will change after this. But tonight, i want to come clean to those people i have wronged with and hopefully mapatawad niyo ko. Today, i want to inspire people na you should always smile because it radiates happy aura that helps ppl surrounding you lighten up.