whenever i feel shame for how i reacted to something i have to remind myself i am human. shame for any reason comes with the implication that i should be perfect or because i know better it should never happen again. life is never that black & white & i need to internalize that.

i am here to make mistakes. i will make them repeatedly regardless of my wisdom or experience up until this point. i cannot be perfect because an objective perfection does not exist in this world. my subjective idea of perfectionism must align with my values & life teachings.

i forgive others with ease yet struggle to forgive myself. hypocrisy solves nothing yet it is a major part of the human experience. i must be open to making mistakes & not expecting perfectionism from my actions thereafter.

i must learn to forgive myself so i can teach this properly to others. whether it be my friends, lovers, students, clients or future children. self-forgiveness is key for me right now. because what is shame anyway? a negative evaluation of self.

it’s fine to acknowledge that you did something that you hated or wish you hadn’t done. that is a natural reaction to what one deems as a mistake. but when you take that negative evaluation of self.. & start to discredit or self deprecate because of it...

removing all of your previous existing worth because of it. that is when it is toxic and serves no purpose. what’s interesting is we feel shame the most when we violate social norms. that’s something to heavily consider. what triggers your embarrassment. is it really that deep.

shame is linked with guilt. usually people simply feel guilty & guilt happens when you feel you’ve done something wrong. whether it’s by societies standards or your own. this sheds light on feeling shame for having been involved with a toxic person.

why do you feel shame or guilt because of that? do you still blame yourself for being involved with them? why do you blame yourself for having encountered a “monster” for lack of a better word. because you ignored the red flags? well did anyone teach you to spot them?

we are put on this earth & not even taught the basic fundamentals of financing, emotion regularion or intelligence or how to navigate love within interpersonal relationships. so answer me again, how are you to blame?

are you also aware of the biological attachments your psyche was also up against that could explain your bond with said monster. if there is accountability to be had then take it, if there is none. don’t force it.

i guess what i want you and me and whoever to take away from this is that... what you do does not equate to who you are. no matter what. which is why cancel culture is stupid. which is why judging people is stupid. we are all flawed at different capacities yes but still flawed.

i hope to god with every mistake you will make in this life you don’t look in the mirror and say YOU are a failure or YOU are bad. that’s unfair & irrational as hell. it is never that simple. someone who donates to charity is not inherently GOOD. it’s just an action!

we were conditioned to believe, we are nothing without our accomplishments or actions. our self worth relies on them. that isn’t true. you can fail your classes and still be brilliant. you can donate to charity & still be a piece of shit.

just free yourself from not only societal pressures but your own pressures. the best way to silence or conquer these feelings is to talk about them. talk about them. the more unafraid you become of them the less power they will have.

so when someone comes at you & brings up your past or tried to guilt you to feel shameful about actions you’ve already made peace with. understand it says a lot more about where they are at in their journey dealing with shame & mistakes than it does about you. pray for them.