i have more stories from the wpuk meeting i attended

this is from the after party in the pub https://twitter.com/surfacingwater/status/1311731338563772416

first of all they announced to us that they had hired a very special guest performer who was all about supporting the lesbians and they would be on later

i was still very scarred emotionally from the transformers* fight between bindel and parker so i wanted a drink to relax

*we weren't allowed to call it a transformers fight because they said that was 'gender ideology' even though transformers are just robots. i tried explaining this but someone who i swear was mary taylor in coronation street started muttering about transhumanism and i got scared

so i went to the bar and the weary bar staff told me "we have ran out of white wine and all the gin" which is cool cuz i hate those drinks anyway. so i sat in a corner hiding cuz i didn't want my life force sapped by those two and i didn't know where the rest of them were at

there was a sudden commotion & i looked over to see jane clare jones in black robes saying that it was time for the feast. i just curled up on my seat in the fetal position but when i opened my eyes i saw they were actually at a buffet. so i thought oh im kind of hungry

so i went up to get some sandwiches and they were all cut dick shaped. just dick shaped sandwiches everywhere. even the chicken tikka ones. i asked why and they said "because penises are weapons" so i asked well can i have a vegan non dick sandwich and they said absolutely not.

i asked if they even had those vagina cupcakes then and they stared at me before saying "that's libfem shit, we don't taint the vulva" so i just went back to the bar and bought a bag of kettles crisps.

this girl came up to me and says hello, i smile. we talk for a bit. she says it's so nice to meet a reel lesbeen and i manage to stop my eye from twitching. i make a joke and she says "what was that" & jerks. i ask what, a joke. she twists her face. "what the fuck are jokes?!"

i look confused. "you don't know what a joke is?" i ask her.
"i know what a joke is but you didn't mention trans people as the punchline so it's not funny," she snaps back.
we stare at each other for a few minutes in silence. i push my kettle crisps around in their bag.

"tell me a joke then," i say.
she pauses. "i identify as an attack helicopter." she starts making this odd noise and i finally say "are... are you laughing?" it then hits me, GCs can't laugh. it's like the noise when a balloon is letting out air, but kinda really macabre?

"oh come on its a classic," she says.
anyway at that point venice showed up. like a scene from an old western. door opened, room went silent. kathleen stock, who is like 20ft tall without being a transformer, said "you're not welcome in these parts". venice laughed in her knees.

venice shouted to her friends "pass me my dick sword" and i thought oh for fucks sake i can't be dealing with any of this but they were all blocking the door. jane shouted "no one is fighting with dick swords!" but they weren't listening

even debbie and fionne had ran away, leaving their t-shirts behind. im not sure what happened to them. last i heard they were both wandering around westminster abbey with startled looks on their faces

what broke the fight up was the announcement that they were bringing on the entertainment tho. everyone took their seats v excited and they said they were pleased to announce male feminist ally roy chubby brown to the stage for the evening

this was the first time i heard gencrits laugh. they loved his set and afterwards i heard them chatting how they'd always known he was a supporter of women's rights. they suggested a crowd funder for him as he had been 'cancelled' by the 'woke mob'.

i suggested that perhaps he was quite comfortable and they could donate that money to women's charities instead? there was silence. i was told i hated women and i saw someone reach for their dick sword telling me he was a tireless male ally of women and gays and always had been.

as they began to leave i heard them saying what a fun night they had. sometimes someone would repeat the same joke and someone would make the deflated balloon noise i understand now is laughter if you are GC.

i didn't even finish my kettle crisps. waste of £2.50. i feel very upset to this day.