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it& #39;s so weird, not having someone I like anymore. I used to be up at night, thinking about her, memories of us made me feel warm. but now, when I& #39;m not sure she even wants to be my friend anymore, those memories kinda turned cold. I had so much hope pinned on her and now,
I tense up when I hear her name. the memories that used to keep me going have me wishing I could run and it& #39;s so weird seeing what I feared so much just,, happen. now I& #39;ve gone and done it like I thought I would, and I& #39;ve never felt more distant, yet I& #39;m at peace. it& #39;s so odd.
the person I thought I& #39;d spend part of my future with is now someone I avoid thinking about. I must& #39;ve been wrapped up in the excitement, the joy that I felt was love, because I couldn& #39;t imagine myself NOT thinking of her. and yet, here I am, and she& #39;s hardly on my mind.
this thread probably seems to contradict that, but I only thought of her now. I remember talking to her about how big the universe was and how small we were, but that the idea of us felt enormous to me. I remember telling her everything and her acknowledging that I was getting
better, and yet the very reason she& #39;s not talking to me right now is because it& #39;s not enough. that was always my fear. not being enough. not smart enough or understanding enough, not brave enough or exciting enough. turns out I wasn& #39;t, and she was more than I needed. we weren& #39;t
a match, and we acknowledged that. and now that what I thought was worst case scenario is coming true, I feel better than ever. I feel so free and alive, I guess deep down I was planning to leave. I feel great, and I think I& #39;m starting a new chapter in my life.
