Thread by @KenyanHunk, Literally my Dad to all of his kids.The guilt of how he [...]

Literally my Dad to all of his kids.

The guilt of how he mistreated us killed him in the end.

There was no way I would have gone back home after my KCSE exams and so I fled home and only returned after I got wind of his passing. https://twitter.com/LordGichohi/status/1312037839488651266">https://twitter.com/LordGicho...

https://twitter.com/LordGichohi/status/1312037839488651266

My last memory of my contact with dad is him physically abusing me in public. He was drunk and miserable. He took out his frustration on us.

The biggest victim in all this is my younger brother who on top of not being able to finish high school turned to drugs.

The hardest part is his mum and dad plus extended family saw all this happen. They did not do anything to stop it. They supported and loved their son and he was right in every way.

And the fact we have never sat down to revisit the past with my family breaks me everytime. I feel like we all need a family therapy to unpack all that trauma.

I don& #39;t see myself having my own kids for this reason. I have so much pain bottled up, I might take it out on them.

I think some experiences in your life shape you.

All what I went through growing up has shaped me to be strong but I do not have very good social attributes. I grew up with zero self-esteem, I second-guess myself so much. I also never felt loved.

Their marriage (my mum and dad) was so so toxic. And we became the victims of that toxicity.

Mum wanted to leave multiple times. She actually left. I remember a time we were bundled up as toddlers (bro and I) and she fled to a new town to start life there.

But dad was able to track us and next thing I know we are packing our things to go back.

He was one of those macho, violent, ex-Army types of men who had a temper. Anything would tick him off. There is no way he would let my mum leave him. Divorce was not an option for him.

But in the end Mum had no option but to leave on her own and leave us behind.

Literally for 2 years I did not know where mum is. At some point I thought she was dead. She had to do this so as to save herself from this monster who was unrelenting and violent towards her.

Ever heard of those stories where husband kills wife and kids? Yeah. Mum would have been a news headline.

One time he showed up with a panga at grandma& #39;s house (maternal) where mum stayed.

I understood why mum fled. We reconnected later as I started College.

It is true that some deaths happen so other lives can prosper. I took my dad& #39;s death that way. I dont think I would be where I am today were it not for his absense.

I am a sole breadwinner to my family. I took my small sister through high school...

I do what I can to help mum and bro.

Ugh. I did not intend for this to drag on like this. Apologies.

But yeah talking it out helps sometimes.

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My point:

Bad marriages should end amicably in divorce.

Giving the other partner custody to the kids in an option too. You don& #39;t have to raise them if you dont want them.

In Wanja& #39;s case, she should reconnect with the child& #39;s father (if he is alive) and introduce him to him.

All a child needs is love and if she can& #39;t do that then it is not fair to him in every way.

Alternatively if her parents are ready to & #39;adopt& #39; him then good.

https://twitter.com/KenyanHunk/status/1312270831985348608?s=19">https://twitter.com/KenyanHun...

https://twitter.com/KenyanHunk/status/1312270831985348608?s=19

This account by a mom who has lived through an abusive marriage but managed to get out of it has broken me.

Where does she start? How does she help heal the trauma and pain in her children? How does she reconcile their emotional well-being so they become wholesome adults?

An emotionally abusive enviroment is one thing that lingers on a child& #39;s memory and they live with it for the rest of their lives. This leads to trauma.

Here is a story by one of you(ID hidden):

To cap this off. Anyone who knows any mental health and family trauma resources here in Kenya please share below and we will retweet.

I have received a number of DMs I will share these resources accordingly.

Thank you

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We ought to be different fathers/mothers to our children - Cheer for them up when they do well and encourage them when they falter.

Let us break this toxic cycle that was subjected to us by our parents.

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