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Remember when companies used to send you magazines for the rest of your life if you ever bought anything from them? Like you buy a sword one time and then you are treated to collections of other swords you might wish to purchase every month for the rest of eternity
Everyone should treat themselves to like, a swiss army knife or something from Hammacher Schlemmer at some point, if only so they can receive their catalogues of underwater sports cars and ghost towns to purchase for the rest of their lives
Fun fact, Skymall is actually a condensed collection of a few different company’s catalogues and the most batshit stuff people always make fun of Skymall for are always on the pages Hammacher Schlemmer pays for
Hammacher Schlemmer and Wireless are the two “eccentric” brands that give Skymall it’s “Skymall” reputation. Both of which are companies my parents bought something from at some point in the 90’s and continued to receive catalogues from until they retired and moved
Like 90% of the stuff Hammacher Schlemmer sells is exclusively intended to be purchased by people who are so extravagantly wealthy they’re bored and listless, Wireless is for the kind of eccentric who wants glow in the dark bedsheets and builds a lot of lemon batteries for fun
Wireless is a little like 30-years-ago ThinkGeek for baby boomers
Hammacher Schlemmer is an anthropological delve into the minds of rich eccentrics
You might be wondering “who spends $800 on a thing that makes one ice cube at a time?” and the answer is, the extravagantly wealthy with access to Futuristic Technology that can make an ice cube in one minute so they don’t waste all day waiting for ice to freeze like us commoners
WAIT NEVER MIND THE 800 DOLLAR ICE THING ONLY FUNCTIONS TO SQUISH TWO PREMADE ICE CUBES TOGETHER INTO A SPHERE
And who could forget such greatest hits as the $20,000 seven person tricycle
But if you want a more intimate experience, you really need to invest in the two-person Helicycle. Apparently this is technically classified by road safety laws as a motorcycle.
Just in case you were wondering where to take your brand new $400,000 personal helicopter motorcycle to show it off to people who will be appropriately impressed, they market it as “ideal for day trips from The Hamptons to Martha’s Vineyard”
A $4000 system that reminds you where you put your 500 bottles of wine in your house, a very relatable problem we all struggle with from time to time.
Wild that you could buy two jetski cars for the price of one motorcycle helicopter
Oh good, I’ve been looking for a suitably eccentric machine to murder my wine steward
A life size tyrannosaurus skeleton costs less than a house and I think we all know what the better investment is
Really The Hammacher Schlemmer business model is to show you a functioning combination spacecraft submarine you could buy for a million dollars to get you to come gawk, then hope you stick around long enough to buy a $30 RC cobra or a tablecloth with LEDs in it
