So Austin goes to take the trash out and comes back telling me that the there’s a bunch of cops in the apartment a ton of tenants complaining about stolen packages so I go out to talk to them to figure out what tf is happening https://twitter.com/trueducklord/status/1312184618678771712">https://twitter.com/trueduckl...

So turns out one dude had a friend staying with him and this friend just made a mass sweep of stealing a shit ton of packages. So we’re all talking to the cops letting them know we had packages stolen and this cop comes downstairs and was like “hey is this your package?”

And he hands me one of the things I ordered (a shoe rack) and I’m like hell yeah and then I just see the the look of “fuck how do I ask this” on his face. And my gut drops. “So uh is this by chance yours as well” and there it is.

This burly beefy official lookin ass cop is holding out the (very damaged) vibrator box. And this shit isn’t discreet. Not even slight. Black box with the big ass letters spelling “VIBE MAX” on the front. I die inside. Any sense of dignity I had withers away.

LIKE NOT AT ALL DISCREET

So I let him know it was mine and we both just look at each other not knowing how to process the sheer embarrassment of the moment while I’m just standing here in a hallway of people holding my damn vibrator.

So the other cop comes by so that he can get our info and, of fuckin course, a description of the items stolen. “What’s in each box and the value of it”
“Well that’s a shoe rack that’s about $30 and this is package is uh...yeah” and the cop just https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤨" title="Gesicht mit hochgezogener Augenbraue" aria-label="Emoji: Gesicht mit hochgezogener Augenbraue"> and his partner is just https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👀" title="Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Augen">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="👀" title="Augen" aria-label="Emoji: Augen">

His partner goes “I can uh explain it to him later” and this dude still just doesn’t get it. And I’m dying. Just decaying from sheer embarrassment. “It’s a uhhhhhhhh.” And then it finally clicks in this dudes head and I can see he doesn’t know if he should laugh or not.

And this bitch just goes “a uhhhh blender?”
“Back massager”
“Yeah let’s go with that. You can uhhhhh put it inside if you like given the uhhhh nature of the item”
We finish up the exchange not really making eye contact while he’s trying not to laugh. And then this dude. He goes

“That’s all we need. Uhhhhh enjoy your night :)”
Like my guy please you know that I’m going to you didn’t need to say it like that https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht"> I’m mortified and dying this is what I get for treating myself https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="😭" title="Laut schreiendes Gesicht" aria-label="Emoji: Laut schreiendes Gesicht">