it's my mom's birthday and she would've been 59 but diabetes killed her 14 years ago and i've almost been alive longer without her than with her. insulin has been a problem longer than you think and it kills me this hasn't been solved yet. it should've been my family only.
This whole thread is a CW now:

We talk about the immediate consequences of insulin rationing. We don't talk enough about what happens when you use just enough insulin to survive day to day. Our community is not prepared for the longer term complications we'll see in 5-10 years.
For my mom, a lot of it was rooted in mental health. We didn't talk about depression back then. Or, how badly it hits people with diabetes. LADA wasn't as understood. Coupled with financial worries ala "can only afford insulin for one diabetic in the family", it was a disaster.
I grew up with really warped ideas of diabetes and care. My mom would skim off of my insulin prescriptions -- she never had one of her own. Yet, somehow I was supposed to be perfect with taking care of myself?
Brief interlude to talk about my only other diabetic role model: my grandpa Lee. He had T2 despite being fit & holding age-related paragliding records. He suffered from complications -- I visited him in 2005 and he showed me his amputed leg and told me to take care of myself.
I never knew how my mom, & later my dad, pulled it off but as my mom got really sick 2005-2006, I didn't connect any of it to diabetes.

Her going blind? Trauma from work.
Kidney failure? Oh, just all the times she ended up in the hospital with dehydration.
2006: We got my mom the help she needed. It's a wonder want an anti-depressant, care from a team of physicians and dialysis could do.

We had a full summer and most of a fall where she seemed okay.

I did overhear her talk to her brother on the phone about needing a kidney.
In early November 2006, my grandpa Lee passed away. Seattle University was kind enough to let him have a Catholic funeral there.

I cannot listen to "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" without getting fucked up because same time period when that shit was on the radio!
A later Wednesday in November 2006: I had classes at the community college. My mom's doctor's office was nearby. She slept in my car for 3 hours of class so I could drive her to her appointment. She didn't want me to miss class. I missed a turn and she missed her appointment.
Next day, Thanksgiving 2006. My mom & aunt had planned family Thanksgiving. My mom was so excited about it but didn't feel good enough to attend.

We called her from my aunt's house. No answer.

My sister found her. I administered CPR. It was the worst night of my life.
Not even a week later? My grandpa Lee's mother, my great grandma Rita, died at the age of 104. I had never lost anyone in my life and November 2006 hit me three fucking times, including the absolute worst grief I will ever experience in my life.
Shit fucks you up. So much trauma that just... sticks around. My diabetes was never going great and I never thought it would. Once it clicked that diabetes killed my mom, I spent my early 20s just resigned to the fact that she had it for 17 years. And, I wasn't far behind that.
Fighting for #Insulin4All has done so much for me. I was going to live with this trauma every day of my life anyway (how could I not when every bloodsugar reminds me?). The part that saves me and guts me at the same time is meeting others who have been through the same.
Anyway maybe some photos will end this on a decent note. Always loved these ones.
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