(A thread)
Oct is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month. While it’s never been a secret - as many friends and colleagues are aware and I’m very open about it because talking about it is part of the healing/coping process for me- I also have never discussed it this publicly(1/n)

But as I sit here 32 weeks pregnant I feel like now is the right time to admit very publicly that getting here was not easy. In Sept 2018 I was pregnant for the time and overjoyed- I could not believe the happiness I felt and shared with my partner. (2/n)

But soon, medically concerning things began and after a day at emergency I found out the pregnancy was ectopic. This was one of the most frightening moments of my life, knowing that if not treated properly my health (& my future chances at conception) could be at risk.(3/n)

I am so lucky to have supportive people in my life and so lucky that I could be treated with medication rather than surgery. But the experience left me in the lowest emotional state of my life (we actually got a dog as a form of therapy to help- and it did so much). (4/n)

Then, 6 short months later I was pregnant again! Having an ectopic pregnancy meant I was at risk for another, so I had an early ultrasound to confirm I wasn’t in the same situation. (5/n)

The doctor I mishandled the situation and told me ‘everything was fine’- but it wasn’t. Within a few days I had another ultrasound scheduled (strange) and then the doctor followed up to tell me that my first ultrasound indicated I had miscarried- which I had (6/n)

I finally got that taken care of after getting the run around by doctor and hospital- ladies, be persistent if something isn’t feeling right, I learnt I needed to advocate for my own health!!(7/n)

So, 2 lost pregnancies in less than 12 months. I was devastated and angry and envious of others who were successfully getting pregnant and all sorts of negative emotions. (8/n)

Happy for others good news but sad for myself. It’s a crappy feeling that I think is hard to understand unless maybe you’ve been there. My mom didn’t get it, and actually took time to read up on it to try to understand more - she’s the best (9/n)

After taking some time my partner and I decided to try again, and this March, the day after Halifax went into quarantine for COVID19, I found out I was pregnant yet again. What timing?! (10/n)

And I feel SO fortunate that, so far, all indicators point to a healthy pregnancy, with only 8 weeks left. And my new ‘family doctor’ (who’s actually an NP) is so amazing. I feel like I matter at this clinic and they take all my paranoia & fear and have been so reassuring. (11/n)

Because of my experiences I’m petrified things will go wrong, but I’m optimistic and feeling good and HAPPY, and can’t wait to meet the little one in November. (12/n)

So why put it all out there now? Well the truth is that one of the most comforting thing for me coping with it all was hearing from others in my life who were going through or went through the same (or similar) thing. (13/n)

I never needed details, but just to know I was not alone was empowering and made me feel hopeless. (14/n)

I mean I was never alone - as I have said I have an amazing support system of family, friends and colleagues - but many/most of them could not relate to the crappy feelings I was having. (15/n)

So I’m putting this out there simply for those who need to hear they are not alone and that getting pregnant (and in my case staying pregnant) is not easy for everyone, and when you lose a baby at any stage it is devastating. (16/n)

Like soul-rocking, never be the same again devastation. (17/n)

And, again, having gone through all of that I recognize how beyond fortunate I am to be where I am in my current pregnancy (because I know not all women wanting to be moms are that lucky). (18/n)

To finish, asking women ‘when are you going to have kids’ is beyond insensitive - you never know what people are going through behind the scenes.(19/n)

I think that’s one of the main purposes of pregnancy & infant loss awareness month, is just being aware that this process is challenging for so many, and that normalizing these conversations is a necessary part of the healing process for many. (20/n)

And PS - to anyone who thinks @chrissyteigan should not have shared her private moments of losing her child over the last day or so, **** off. Let the poor woman grieve as she sees fit. (22/n)

In general I cannot thank her enough for speaking so candidly about her pregnancies and all of the associated good, bad and ugly truths. (23/n)

And if she wants to tell the whole universe about her journey she should be able to without being scrutinized the way she has been. More people should talk these issues- it’s not taboo. It is a reality that so many women AND their families face. (n/n)