You know what it is, I’ve always placed external validation above self validation, because I never trust my own emotions or feelings to be an accurate representation of what the situation actually is. And this is the second person I’ve ever fell for and she just like the first

Will not validate my feelings in the way I need her to. Which in turn causes me to resent tf out of her, but then I realize that’s not really anything to do with me or my worthiness of having my love reciprocated. I will use that as an excuse, tho, to stay in a situation that

Never meets my needs just like I did the first time I fell in love. That way my subconscious mind never has to recognize the toxic and codependent behavior in that. I should have just left tho and stay gone.

I really need to be in therapy. The fucked up part tho is the therapist I had when I first met them, told me that I shouldn’t pursue anything when I told her that I thought they might like me. I was still doing self work and was planning to move. Should have just listened.

Why do I never listen?(rhetorical)

Let me just be straight up, they should be grateful I’m codependent asfffff because if I was securely attached— sure they might not have ever been exposed to my volatile reactive side— but I would have dipped a long time ago when they we’re shutting down every time they were in

My presence longer than 5 consecutive minutes.

And let me also be clear, i do not want a reply to this thread. Im a just here to make a spectacle out of my malnourished love life. And nothing more.