Toddler have full blown meltdowns because they can’t regulate their emotions. They require assistance in calming them down, and acknowledging their feelings teaches them empathy and compassion in the long term.

This takes practice as a first time parent because at times, it can be very triggering, especially if you didn’t receive that same kind of empathy and patience as a child.

When my daughter has a tantrum, I have to be very patient with her and be mindful of my own feelings because her meltdowns can be very triggering.

Lately she’s turned to screaming at the top of her lungs. She only does this with me when she wants my attention or doesn’t get what she wants. At first it was very nerve wracking. Now I try to prevent it from getting that far by connecting with her through affection or play.

Other times I try not to let it get under my skin because again...nerve wracking lol.

My mother mentioned the other day when she started screaming that my daughter reminded her of “those white children.”

In the past this would’ve bothered me, but my only response to her was: “Why? Because I don’t beat her into submission like other black parents?”

She didn’t really have a response to that because of the way I phrased it. I told her I’m raising a free black child, and I am not going to punish her for having big emotions and toddler tantrums because what she is doing is normal.

I am actively choosing not to pass down the painful experiences through physical abuse just because that was what I was forced to accept from my family.

My daughter will grow up knowing there are other ways to solve problems, and that discipline is a teaching moment to correct behavior and will be handled with love and compassion, not pain and isolation.

A huge part of decolonizing the way we parent our children is letting go of the idea that we own our children. The older generation of black people struggle with or flat out do not believe that their children are autonomous human beings.

This in turn creates a power struggle between parents and their children when their children make decisions for themselves. Black parents have a tendency to be controlling when it comes to their children's actions and in response, children rebel.