Read on Twitter
#ExMusThoughts #personal 1/ I realized I& #39;ve been treating job and internship hunting like I did with Isl*m as a teen. I was hazily aware of how horrible the q*ran and religious traditions can be, but felt powerless and avoided thinking about or educating myself about it.
2/ I& #39;ve been engaging in the same behavior with finding an internship in my field, electrical engineering. I saw this article last night and it helped me put the pieces into place. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/06/14/opinion/bluetooth-wireless-tracking-privacy.html">https://www.nytimes.com/interacti...
3/ The recent discussion on spotify employees against Rogan and the coinbase on their mission also made me think about ethics and working in tech. https://blog.coinbase.com/coinbase-is-a-mission-focused-company-af882df8804">https://blog.coinbase.com/coinbase-...
3/ A lot of demand for my field is from the military-industrial complex in the US, or tech companies that engage in tactics that make me feel uncomfortable. On a personal level, I feel like my family expects me to get a stable, high-paying job+
4/ and if I let them know I am wary of working for the govt or at these big companies they& #39;d think I& #39;m crazy. And I feel like I owe them because they& #39;re paying for my education, which is so expensive in the US. Same with how I feel like I owe them belief (or pretend) in Islam.
5/ Finding a career and being exmus isn& #39;t a 1:1 situation, but the feeling of powerlessness and burden/fear of upsetting my parents is in both cases. I forget I can choose to be independent, and forge my own path.
6/ My low-self esteem make me self-sabotage and avoid thinking about these things. I feel too stupid to truly grasp the meaning of the q*ran and Islam& #39;s political and social ramifications.
7/ My anxiety around school (knowing its importance for financial future) and self-sabotage through procrastination make me feel incapable. I feel like I& #39;ll never be smart enough or have a good understanding my class material and field to take charge of my own career.
8/ I don& #39;t put in the work to improve my professional resume so that limits my options and in my mind makes it feel like I& #39;ll have to work somewhere "evil" and so I avoid it more, and don& #39;t get experience. A negative feedback loop.
9/ A main concern in both cases is of course related to moving out and my mom& #39;s anxiety. I act like a child still because I don& #39;t know how to have hard conversations and engage with my family on a meaningful level. I feel like I& #39;ve had to shy away from my own beliefs +
10/ and have given up on letting them be known. I feel self-conscious and weird around my family. The financial aspect and fear of poverty, seeing how my mom is dependent on my dad because her job doesn& #39;t pay much is present in both being ExMus (having to drop out) and +
11/ not getting a "high-paying" job in my field (fear of not being able to take care of myself and being financially dependent on parents again).
12/ But I CAN focus on building a career I can be proud of, like look for nonprofits or get experience to start one in the future. I can focus on finding people already doing these things and getting to know them and their work, tech twitter seems lively!
13/ I can also learn and read more about ethics and the history and current role of the US govt and tech companies in international politics. I could probably find people at my school already talking about these things too!
