Thread by @ArthurAsseraf, ok kids, the time has come for A PARISIAN reviewsNETFLIX'S "EMILY IN [...]

ok kids, the time has come for

A PARISIAN
reviews
NETFLIX'S "EMILY IN PARIS"

I've poured myself two glasses:
one is full of wine

the other is full of righteous judgment

and I'm double-fisting hard

~~ join me ~~

ok kids, the time has come for A PARISIAN reviewsNETFLIX'S "EMILY IN PARIS"I've poured myself two glasses: one is full of wine the other is full of righteous judgment and I'm double-fisting hard~~ join me ~~

Before we begin: I approach this piece of entertainment unspoilt, with an open mind. I have watched the trailer but have kept myself pure of any other critical opinions

I’m basically

Second, for the birthers out there, these are my qualifications:

Not thirsty provincial upstart or an expat queen in search of legitimacy, I’m the real deal.

Let us begin

Opening shots: we are in CHICAGO, this is AMERICA, the upbeat generic EDM music feels like Selling Sunset but with lower production value

a bold typographic choice differentiates AMERICA (futuristic, bland) with FRANCE (quaint, impractical)

EMILY is having a conversation with her GirlBoss (TM) and already unnecessary French words are popping up Savwaaaaar Undeuxxxxxzzzzz. They are not so much mispronounced as entirely performative: the words do not mean anything, they convey a sense of money and class

omg!!! Emily's older GirlBoss (TM) is pregnant though she is SO OLD (so old), so Emily will be moving to Paris! Away from her red-blooded all-American boyfriend who enjoys sports! In bars! With Beer!

aaaaand boom, it's 4 minutes in, and GRATUITOUS EIFFEL TOWER SHOT, WE'RE IN PARIS.

This means it's time to drink! We drink every time there's an Eiffel Tower or béret, so this is going to go south fast.

Emily makes it to her new apartment, which is obviously in the 5th because that's the only place rich Americans know.

A comic misunderstanding unfolds where Emily thinks the 4th floor is the 5th!!! Cultural difference is so wild!!!! wait till she hears about socialism

The new apartment is allegedly a 'chambre de bonne'

FACTCHECK: first, she the floor below the chambre de bonne. second: judging by the camera shots and my specialist real estate sense, that apartment is at least 20-25 m2 so she's doing great

low points for accuracy

At her new job, it emerges that she does not speak French. Her new boss thinks this is a problem - we are meant to think this makes the boss a Massive Bitch, because Emily Believes in Herself and she has the Right Attitude

i'm sorry this girl is not qualified

Emily apologises for not speaking French, but she did Rosetta Stone on the plane!

Emily is basically a missionary. She is there to teach them the gospel of social media and late capitalism, but not to learn. She is the agent of empire

Emily eats a pain au chocolat and it's SO GOOD GUYS that she has to post it on social media (this is a 2020 show! It's really hip guys!)

Emily thinks that no one has ever lived in Paris before and that her aggressively mediocre self is worthy of attention and praise for existing

Emily bonds with another American in the gardens of the Palais-Royal - French people are so mean! They expect you to speak their language! :'-(

we are given yet another signalling that the show is CURRENT because her new friend Mindy is teaching her kids Mandarin (2020!)

her colleague: actually we're being mean to you because we're scared :-( French people are inadequate at making money and working hard. Catholicism and the centralised state have not equipped them with the go-getting spirit of Protestantism and the American frontier, Emily

Emily makes a further vigorous appeal to Protestantism by having cybersex with her boyfriend while the sheets are up to her neck

aaaaaand that's it for episode 1!

Let's recap:
so far, Emily's exploration of Paris has led her to the following wide range of locations

The show is not so much cliché and unrealistic, it's really fucking dull. Even the dialogue in English feels like it comes out of a tourist guidebook. I'm not even sure why I'm meant to care about Emily or her ~journey.

Because it's Netflix, the show is ~~diverse on the surface: they have cast non-white actors for a number of roles that are functionally written as white. Behind this façade, this is a show written by middle-aged Americans desperate to appear relevant but feels incredibly dated.