An informal thread on anger and hate.

To begin with, though they have similar felt energies, anger and hate are not the same emotion. However, we could also say that anger does energize hate.

I understand anger to be the tension we experience between being hurt and our deep desire to tend to that hurt. Not knowing how to tend to the hurt we get swept up in the tension and start reacting to it. That reaction is the experience we call anger.

I believe anger is trying to take care of us. It arises out of a root hurt and that arising should signal that we need to devote energy to tending to the hurt. When we don’t do this tending then we lose agency over our anger and keep reacting to it trying to avoid the hurt.

We gain agency by tending to the hurt which opens up space that allows the base tension as well as the anger to be in our experience. The space that begins to open allows us to actually experience anger. When we experience we can have agency to decide how to act.

Anger is important because it tells us that shit is wrong. Anger is the canary in the coal mine. When I feel anger I know that there is hurt and that I may be in a situation that isn’t safe.

Further, when I have space around anger and I am experiencing it, then I find myself much more able to use the energy of anger to benefit others not to perpetuate harm. Anger can help us to get clear and that clarity helps us to set boundaries.

Getting this space around anger also means that I can develop positive intentions as I channel the energy. Often when I’m pissed I let my self be pissed and also reflect on my commitment to move forward wanting to reduce violence in a situation.

Anger is also about being honest. Anger is a real experience that we have and we have a right to articulate our emotional reality. But we don’t have a right to make others hurt as much as we hurt as result of just reacting to anger.

Hypothetically speaking, let’s say someone we really dislike has recently been diagnosed with an illness. We may feel happy. That’s ok because maybe we have been really hurt by this person. It’s important to acknowledge that. This doesn’t make u a bad person.

And if I am happy because of another person’s hardship, then I have a responsibility to also acknowledge that this person has hurt me and I feel this hurt and this hardship maybe forces this person to feel some of the pain they have caused us. And this feels good to us.

This doesn’t mean I hate this person. I certainly dislike them. But I don’t have to like anyone actually. It is impossible to like everyone. But I do think it’s possible to love everyone b/c love is wanting people to have what they need to be happy.