This year I think I will put this down in writing. My impressions of Gandhiji have changed rather dramatically over the years. I started with awe for the Mahatma, because for children that is usually how he is introduced- with reverence, by teachers. 1/n

That toothless grin smiling out of the stamp, that brisk walk, that and the winner of freedom, that was initial understanding. Of course, freedom did not mean much at that point. That was about to change though. 2/n

As chance would have it, I was signed up for (or did I sign up myself? ) a My Experiments With Truth ‘test’. It was conducted year on year by the Gandhian Forum based in the Thakkar Baba Vidyalaya campus close to home. 3/n

We had to read the entire book My Experiments with Truth and answer questions from it. Essays and short questions too, to see if we really understood the ideals Gandhi stood for. School had already ingrained concepts of honesty, integrity, it was easy 4/n

But as I read on, I was amazed at the life he lived. Spartan was a revelation for me, as my dreams were becoming er...increasingly capitalistic in nature. I didn’t know if I could ever live like that, but for someone who could, I remember feeling respect. 5/n

The book is also interestingly crafted, teasing you out to understand the thought process that went into the decisions Gandhi arrived at. Of course, I did not realise it then, just imbibed everything like a sponge. 6/n

There was a point of time when I could take a pop quiz on Gandhi (even if you woke me from my capitalistic dream) and ace it. I thought I knew everything on Gandhi. Turns out, I didn’t. 7/n

And then I grew up and silently rebelled against everything, basically. In my head, at least, in a very violent fashion there was a war, as I began to question a number of things about my rather conservative upbringing. 8/n

As part of this, there was a patch where it was infradig to be in awe of Gandhi. Many counter narratives emerged, questioning the things Gandhi did, or why he did them. His self control, rigid adherence to principles, abstinence etc 9/n

As I read on, it ended in altering my rather simplistic understanding of the man and his motives. I allowed those narratives to impact my understanding, because of my own evolving, rather nascent ideas on free will and feminism. 10/n

But age and experience, lived and vicarious, tends to take the edge off harsh judgements we make in our youth. I’m at the point of time in my life when I’m amazed at what Gandhi achieved- at an age when even the idea of media could well be dismissed as non existent. 11/n

No social media, just this frail old man, writing, talking to the people, and of course, walking the talk. The kind of mobilisation he achieved at time like that still staggers me, when I think of it. And I do find myself thinking of him often, these days 12/n

As those who celebrate his killers ironically try to appropriate his legacy (indeed, it is huge) I think of that frail old man, who stood for truth over everything, integrity, had an outrageously high level of empathy, and put his foot forward for the people of his nation...13/n

Over any personal ambition, turning down the crown when it was time, I feel chills run down my spine. What kind of self-effacing leadership, and warmth, do you need to do the kind of things he did, and achieved. It is not for nothing he’s called a Mahatma 14/n

He’s meant to shine as a beacon for generations of people, weak minded, full of confusion as the times put them through the mill with the new ethical, political, social and yes, even moral conflicts that we struggle with every day. 15/n

I’m fully cognisant of what he was, today. While I am still conflicted about martyrdom, I have no doubts in my mind of the stature of this man, what a man! The other day, tasked with writing a poem for Gandhi Jayanthi celebrations in school, my 8 yo began ‘I love Gandhiji’ 16/n

I was secretly thrilled. In her eyes was the same love, thanks to information we process without guile. In her eyes is the same fleeting, but complete awe that only children are capable of. And maybe she will go through the long road to understanding Gandhi as I did 17/n

Maybe she will rebel too, (she shows signs of a fierce spirit already!) but I hope she will, one day, learn of the staggering magnitude of what Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi achieved, and I hope it will give her goosebumps too, as it does me, today. 18/18