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On grief: We have a vicious narrative entrenched in our culture that sharing grief means you’re asking for attention, you’re losing the essence of the person you’ve lost and replacing them for your own self gain and self promotion. 1/?
Grieving, especially unexpectedly, makes you so stunningly vulnerable. A vulnerability that makes you feel every part of you you knew has gone within an instant. Such vulnerability needs support, love, care of others. It needs to be seen and heard.
The stigma that comes with sharing grief silences us, & so we forget ourselves and we’ve already lost another. Sharing grief is so powerful for the individual that’s lost. It enables support for themselves and for others who share the loss, whether that be directly or indirectly.
When you lose someone and you can’t find the words, or you can’t find the emotions, or you can’t find the will to get up in the morning, the words, shared emotions and wisdom of others keeps you going. Knowing others see that pain makes you feel safe.
Knowing you have shared the person you’ve lost with the world, as they were, and no one has been able to change them is control, and authenticity. It is respect. Telling the world it fucking hurts and you don’t know what to do is honest. Sharing grief validates feeling.
There is power in life, but there is power in death. We must not be afraid to acknowledge that and we must ensure we are all free to grieve exactly how we need to in order for the living to survive.
