"Homophobia" and "transphobia" aren't (usually) fear of queer people or of trans people. "Who would I be if I was free to express my gender, my sexuality, my self? And if everyone had that freedom, would I still be valued?" Homophobes and transphobes are scared of finding out.

Disgust and contempt are what terrified, ashamed people perform in the hopes that if they can make others feel their unwanted feelings, they won’t feel ashamed of themselves anymore.

When it doesn’t work - and it never does - they double down.

This isn’t me saying “we should have more empathy for transphobes”, more like “we should understand how a bomb works if we want to defuse it.”

So when people say "don't call it 'homophobia', they're not afraid of us, they hate us" -- they're sort of right. Homophobes hate us because they're afraid of themselves.

This is not the tired old "homophobes are gay" chestnut, either. The question of "who would I be if I was free to choose, if I hadn't made myself smaller in order to conform to social rules?" can be about lots of things, not just sexuality.

When homophobes and transphobes see queer people and trans people being ourselves, they get angry. And also afraid. Because they're scared of being free, and angry that not everybody is as scared of freedom as they are.

(Inspired by this thread from @quatoria -

https://twitter.com/quatoria/status/1311701694330408963

So yeah -- I don't think they're afraid of you. But they are afraid.)