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I& #39;ve had a very hard day. My brain is on fire. Mental health can be so challenging. So I& #39;m going to write something as a TED Talk about a mental illness a lot of people don& #39;t know about. It& #39;s called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and it& #39;s often tied to ADHD.
Most people that follow me know that I& #39;m very open about my mental health, and know that I have six main things: Treatment-Resistent Depression with Suicidal Ideations, ADHD w/RSD, General Anxiety Disorder, and General Panic Disorder. You& #39;re counting four. The commas matter.
I reflect a lot on Twitter about all these things, or just post in general during feelings because it is therapeutic and cathartic. I share because it helps me get it out.
That is largely my ADHD, but most especially my RSD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is not well known, but up to 99% of people with ADHD are more sensitive to rejection. What does it mean?
It means that the ADHD impulsiveness makes you feel things super fast & super hard. You also *perceive* things differently. You can literally make up a story in your head even if nothing exists, but you FEEL it. It& #39;s literally physically painful. You overthink everything always.
RSD for me makes me think I am not wanted or loved. RSD often for me makes me feel like I& #39;m going to be fired, even though I& #39;m crucial to a company. It doesn& #39;t matter. I am losing things because I am me. And that story is made up inside my head. It doesn& #39;t exist. But it& #39;s there.
I am pretty successful. And part of the reason why is my mental health (also part of the reason why I& #39;ve had failures professionally is my mental health). I think 16 different things in 16 different ways at all times. It& #39;s overwhelming.
I& #39;m fortunate to have a general practioner, a therapist, and a psychiatrist that assist me. Not everyone has that.
I spend my days arguing with lawyers a lot, because my brain basically operates as a chess board. How many steps ahead? Or, more negatively, Chicken Little - the sky is falling and I& #39;m the one to report what *could* be. Sometimes too dramatically.
I overthink and think about every good and bad thing that could happen. It& #39;s like being a canary in the coal mine. I& #39;m the warning system, because I think too much.
This makes interpersonal relationships hard, because I& #39;m constantly worried. I think in all these directions, even false ones, and I can& #39;t stop myself from doing it - even with medicine. I literally take blood pressure medicine for RSD.
That& #39;s basically the main treatment they have available. I& #39;m 36 and I take blood pressure medicine not because of my blood pressure, but because that medicine tries to help subdue the overthinking. It is an imperfect science.
Many people with ADHD and other mental health issues are successful in the arts because their brain is thinking in so many ways. That& #39;s the creativity. The sparks are flying and they get it out. They still suffer.
It is impossible to show anyone what it is like or feels like. I can look completely normal but inside I& #39;m an explosion of thought.
The feelings related to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria are quick. You can react in sadness or in anger. The culture of texting and social media makes it hard not to react outwardly with others.
For me, because I also have other mental health challenges, I often find myself in a very horrible feedback loop. I feel anxious and excited, I react, I feel guilt for the reaction, I dig down into dark sadness, etc. It& #39;s not the best.
When work is stressful, it gets worse. Today is not the best. I start thinking about everything in my life and not just work. And then I multiply it by 256. I react, I start to feel shame, and then I spiral.
I work constantly with a therapist on all of these issues. RSD is something that really can& #39;t be treated directly because it& #39;s so fast. It is the fastest, most direct feeling. There is no line to stand in or waiting period. You& #39;re going 0 to 60. Then everything crashes down.
If you have someone with ADHD in your life, I hope you understand that part of, likely, what they& #39;re dealing with is this impulsive overthinking and it& #39;s not just ADHD, it& #39;s something else. It& #39;s connected, but different. I hope you& #39;ll treat them with kindness and be patient.
And I also know it can be so, so hard to keep that going. The impact on a partner, spouse, parent, or other, is tremendous.
I feel like I should say sorry about these issues when I also know I can& #39;t control it and it& #39;s not my fault. It& #39;s still worthwhile to acknowledge the challenge, to try to find tools and techniques to keep progressing.
It& #39;s worthwhile to say sorry to a partner who gives up their own time when you have this challenge.
Despite what I have done in life, mental health often keeps me in a mode of shame. I don& #39;t know if that ever goes away. I do know it& #39;s valuable to share with others so they don& #39;t feel alone, so I am. And I want folks who don& #39;t get this to maybe hear a story.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is misunderstood and underdiagnosed. But it is attached to ADHD, and that is a prevalent thing, unfortunately. I have it. I passed it down to my children.
