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bitch sometimes i wanna astral project and give myself a slap in the face
people will always try to undermine my self-worth... i need to try harder and stop caring about everything until it makes me ill
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people will always try to undermine my self-worth... i need to try harder and stop caring about everything until it makes me ill
i& #39;m an extremely paranoid person. like, to an unhealthy extent. i& #39;ll take every little thing i read/hear, get it stuck in my head and drive myself into a paranoia episode that leaves me mentally (and sometimes physically) drained. i know i need to get better. and im trying.
i need to stop caring. a lot of times, if not most of the time, it& #39;d be the healthiest option. but sometimes it& #39;s very, very hard.
paranoia mixed with extreme fear of rejection is hella bad.
paranoia mixed with extreme fear of rejection is hella bad.
at times i& #39;ll be determined to speak out my mind, to ease my paranoia. but at the same time my fear of rejection kicks in and puts everything i want to do to a stop. this kind of episode can leave me very depressed and irritable.
i& #39;ll usually stop doing anything i was doing and end up doing nothing but stressing out. it& #39;s tough, it& #39;s really is, especially since i rarely let people know about my emotions. i always put up a facade, because people see me as a bright person. i see myself as a bright person.
i think i have issues. a lot of issues. but i don& #39;t know how to get them sorted.
that& #39;s funny because i love helping people out when it comes to this kind of stuff. i can& #39;t help myself. at all.
that& #39;s funny because i love helping people out when it comes to this kind of stuff. i can& #39;t help myself. at all.
the natural option for me is to keep helping people out. it& #39;s vicarious.
if i help people with their problems, i don& #39;t have time to think about mine, right? they got it worse than me anyways.
that& #39;s fucked up. i& #39;m fucked up.
if i help people with their problems, i don& #39;t have time to think about mine, right? they got it worse than me anyways.
that& #39;s fucked up. i& #39;m fucked up.
but i absolutely don& #39;t know what to do. when it comes to me, and only me, i don& #39;t know shit. i& #39;m just lost. yikes...
in the end it just boils down to my fear of solitude. i can& #39;t live alone. i love my friends and my family, but what if i disappointed them for the last time and they end up getting sick of me? getting rid of me?...
how ironic to be as scared of human contact as i am but not being able to thrive alone. sometimes i& #39;m literally terrified of, like, just interacting. i take so much time just to type out my message, and even more time to press send. i admire outgoing people so much.
people i hang out with irl would be like "who the fuck is this?" after reading this thread LMAO. truth is, im very secretive. my wall is always about to crumble, but i don& #39;t let anyone scratch it. im not that much better on the internet, but still.
