Right. It's 11pm. And I'm a bit pissed. So, given half of you follow me for management tips, gonna tell you about the best manager I ever had. how an ex-army guy sorted my stupid shit out. And how I regret to this day I never got to tell him: "thank you"

So flash back to about 2002 and the web is new. I'd been doing it since 1996 but for fun. You couldn't get a degree in this shit then, because no one cared. But by the time I graduated with a history degree it's hot shit.

I end up being hired by the government. CIVIL SERVANT, YO

I will not bore you with my path through that. WILL say though that if you have non-natural hair colour though and work in the civil service them you have me to thank for that. I had purple hair. They needed to hire me. The Cabinet Office changed the Civil Service code for me.

ANYWAY. I was a 22 year old with disproportionate power. They hired me for my technical talent. And had to put me at a Civil Service rank well above my age range to do it.

And I LOVED that. I was all: FUCK YOU. I AM INTERNET. HEAR ME ROAR.

Except it turned out that with that, came a responsibility to manage people.

And I couldn't do it. I was so bad. I wanted to be Steve Jobs. Be every tech leader I'd ever idolised. And it turned out that ALL of that was bollocks. I failed so badly they even put me on a warning.

Enter Richard. New divisional manager. He could EASILY have turned round and decided I was an annoying proto-incel. But he was an ex army Major. And he didn't. For reasons known only to himself, he decided I was not the arrogant little shit I was. I was salvageable.

And that's what he did. Without me realising it was happening, he quietly but firmly taught me what it meant to manage and lead. I grew to respect him, without realising, as much as my own father.

He took a good techie, and created a confident manager. Without me realising.

And he did that partially by making me realise that so much macho stuff was UTTER bollocks.

He had a Military Cross. He had been imprisoned by the Khmer Rouge. He had called artillery down on his own position.

And he told me he had been scared. Always. And still had PTSD.

I remember just before I left. I had done A LOT of good stuff by then. I had FLOWN under him. And now a private company had head hunted me to work in America.

And when I told him I was scared. I thought he'd be angry, but he was so PROUD.

I remember it was round xmas. And we were so busy but meant to do £5 only presents in the secret Santa.
I drew him. And I remembered he'd told me about a song they always listened to on deployment with Aussies in Sierra Leone that he wished he had. Before Spotify this was a thing

So I found it on audiogalaxy, downloaded it, and burned it to CD.

And when I gave it to him, in the restaurant, with the team, he cried. And hugged me. And I was young and stupid, and embarrassed and I didn't understand what I'd done.

But I was so happy he liked it.

And then I left! A few weeks later. And went on and built a career, in America and here. Pre-linkedIn. So no future connections locked in and made.

I regret that to this day.

He made me, as a manager and a person.

And, with years of hindsight, I never got/get to tell him that.

But the one lesson I learned from that is we ALL have a duty to pay our skills and chances forward.

If anyone ever gave YOU a chance, make sure you do the same.

I hope there are developers who'd now say I've done the same. I hope HE would be proud of me for doing so.

/End

ADDENDUM: This was the song. Still can't listen to it today without a pang of memory.

But yeah. I know he never needed it, but I will regret to my dying day that I will never get to tell him:

"Thank you."

But I figure if I can help others grow as better people to, then he'd be fine with that.

Well it's morning and I'm sober now, but the weather is RUBBISH so I'll add another nice story to this.

He knew how much I loved military history. A couple of weeks before I left he announced that he'd arranged something special one evening, as an extra 'goodbye'.

Turned out he'd arranged for us - and any of the team who wanted to - to go and see the Ceremony of the Keys at the Tower of London then have a pint after. https://www.hrp.org.uk/tower-of-london/whats-on/ceremony-of-the-keys/#gs.hndm0t

Now the ceremony of the keys is the nightly closing of the gates of the Tower. It is one of the OLDEST - if not THE oldest - military ceremonies in the world.

They let a small number of people watch it every night, but tickets are hard to get. And they go SIX MONTHS in advance.

I wondered at the time how on earth he'd managed to get tickets, but when we got there it became pretty damn obvious, when a bunch of soldiers in full dress uniform met us outside the gate before the ceremony started.

Turned out they'd served under him and they'd sorted it out.

From the warmth and stories, and from the simple fact they'd clearly gone out of their way to do him that favour, even though he'd left the army, it was pretty clear that he'd probably been liked/respected as an officer.

Even that served as a leadership/management/networking lesson, with hindsight!