Thread by @leatherbookmark, you know what? fics where characters turn into small animals can actually [...]

you know what? fics where characters turn into small animals can actually fix everything

a fic where nmj gets hit with a curse that turns him into a fly/mouse/little bird every (insert moon phase), very conveniently: when he's in jinlintai, and he witnesses:
- jgy being abused
- suyao romance
- on one memorable ocassion, suyao fucking

- (jgy seems to be silencing talisman-worthy at eating out a lady. who knew!)
- jin guangshan plotting against him
- jin guangshan taking care of his girls for the night (oh how mouse!nmj longs for the sweet release of a qi deviation)
- madam qin and her News (oh no)

- etc

i don't know what he does with the facts once he goes back to being Large And In Charge. possibly grab poor jgy and demand an explanation (which he doesn't get, because everything is fine, da-ge :>)?

possibly storm into jlt's main hall demanding Explanation for Things. jgs:
- asks him if he's feeling okay
- also acts very indignant. how dare he! at such a nice party!
- WHERE did you get all this information you claim is real, sect leader nie?

- wait, jiggy is here! could it be? could his long-lost son turn on his father despite the love, riches and power he's been given?
- jgy almost cries for real, out of sheer stress, trying to turn that around and assure jgs of his utter loyalty

- jgs, in the voice of a twitter teenager: is that the saber brainrot? is that it?
- jgy performs his last political gymnastics routine of the evening, attempting to calm everyone down and convince them nmj's simply fucking plastered, ah, probably brought some qinghe wine here!

- nmj gets politely sent to his quarters with a firm wish to HAVE A GOOD NIGHT
- and a very unsettling feeling that there's a chance jgy will get beaten almost to death tonight
- WELCOME TO JINLINTAI POLITICS, NIE MINGJUE

- da-ge still doesn't trust jgy but FUCK HIM if he can't protect a Powerless Person! wait. what the fuck. but jgy has power? he has power, right? he can just say no and get the fuck out of here, why isn't he? hey. hey wait
- (nmj letter voice) hey, xichen?

- hey can we stop talking? can we please start killing each other? (nmj remix).mp3
- lwj: what do you have there, xiongzhang?
lxc hoarsely: a plan to take a man to cloud recesses
lwj: ⁿ

- nhs: what if you kidnap and marry san-ge, da-ge?
nmj: what the FUCK
- nmj: (opens mouth)
a nie elder: absolutely fucking not, you beautiful, stupid man
- nmj: (opens mouth)
jzx: the last time i've seen my brother was a week ago, when i was about to tell my father to calm the

fuck down, whereupon a-yao shot me a look that i will not describe. long story short in all aspects except physical i am screaming
- someone at some point: someone should kill jgs. but also we should all be visibly and obviously not doing this. none of us. and we can't hire an

assassin because those can be easily tracked to their employer
- 'who (aside from everyone in the world, if they had the tools and the safety of not suffering the consequences) would gleefully kill jgs and vanish into the night immediately after?'
- .............
- consternation.

- jin zixuan's first act as a sect leader is to get jgy some nice hair ornaments
- mouse nmj? what mou--ah. ah. he. him. so. so the curse was uhhhh jin zixun trying to be clever, failing
- nmj decides he hates politics and if he's not on a farm harvesting radishes THIS SECOND he

will kill everyone in this room and then himself.
- this is already the crackiest thing to ever exist so i'll just say what if he also pulls nhs' techniques on him

- 'da-ge!!! you have business!! sect leaders X and Y are here to visit you!! also, morning training?!'
'are you telling me to leave my garden to rot, huaisang? is this what you're telling me, didi? besides i recall you talked to them quite happily last banquet'
'ABOUT BIRDS'

meanwhile in the 20 mile radius of this event:
- xi/yao kissing
- sxx also kissing because i say so
- wen qing
- etc

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