I need to say something to all those (mostly men, unsurprisingly) who feel the need to condemn Chrissy Teigen and John Legend for sharing the tragic loss of their baby Jack:

SHUT THE FUCK UP, ASSHOLES, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.

I, too, had a miscarriage about midway into a pregnancy.

It was painful, traumatic and heartbreaking.

I carried the scars from that wound for years.

I used to say that I actually felt a baby-sized hole in me, because I entered the hospital pregnant and anticipating motherhood and left it, bleeding and without a baby.

It changed how I viewed myself and my future.

I struggled with depression about my miscarriage for a long time. Doctors had warned me I probably would not be able to have children on my own due to my chronic health issues that contributed to my miscarriage.

Cut to 1997. I found out I was pregnant again, by some miracle.

Doctors told me to hold off telling people that I was pregnant until minimally the 12th week (I miscarried at 20.5 weeks)

I refused to listen to them.

My rationale was that if the worst should happen and I lost this pregnancy, I wanted everyone to know why I was emotional and a mess.

I realized that there is a weird attitude about pregnancies in this country. We don't want to think about how women get pregnant. We don't want to think about all the risks to their health. We don't want to think about all the discomforts/pain associated with pregnancies.

We just want women to be these little Renaissance madonnas, divine in our impending motherhood. We don't want to think about all the nasty bodily fluids involved, because they're just...icky ooky.

We also don't want to think about the emotional toll that motherhood takes on women. We just need to glow with our divineness and pretend that the tears and the sick just doesn't happen.

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE my kids. I am every grateful that I have them and have had the privilege to stay at home with them and raise them.

But motherhood can really fucking suck. Suck braincells, suck energy, suck any kind of happiness occasionally.

I applaud Chrissy and John for owning their pain honestly and openly. I know that hurt and pain.

This helps others who are currently in the same position to know they aren't alone, that the feelings that you want them to suppress for your selfish comfort are valid.

We need more people to be open and unafraid to show emotions and the messy-ness of the human condition without fear of being silenced.

And we need all you priggish pearl-clutchers to remember that the way to respond to pain is with love and kindness.

Understand how sad John, Chrissy and their families are feeling right now.

They are actual human beings.

And respond to them with gentleness.

NO ONE gets to decide how someone else grieves.

Your opinion on the matter is not needed nor relevant.